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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24509113">if (i give my first love to) you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanakomatsus/pseuds/ichiharas'>ichiharas (nanakomatsus)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Childhood Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Mutual Pining, Slice of Life</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:54:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,815</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24509113</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanakomatsus/pseuds/ichiharas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>he's always four, five steps ahead. for as long as she can remember, all she could see was him getting further and further away.</p><p>or, of growing up and learning to love</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ushijima Wakatoshi/Original Female Character(s), Ushijima Wakatoshi/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>114</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. seasons i</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>so,,, this is completely self indulgent. i first posted this on wattpad a while ago and thought it was pretty good so i gave it a little make over and decided to post this here. 'you' are actually my oc but it's pretty ambiguous and can be read in any pov teehee. here's to me being lovesick for ushijima for the past seven years x</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>The morning air is icy against her skin. The sky, however is beautiful; it's a deep purple mixed with a faint magenta, signalling the rising sun. And there it is. Heartbreak Hill and its winding, upwards spiraling road. She clenches her teeth and lets out an irritated noise in the back of her throat. </p><p>The boy jogging beside her doesn't even break a sweat. His form stays perfect and his pace is steady as ever. She pedals harder, lifting her bottom off the seat and putting her entire body weight forward. Her eyebrows are knitted, set in a determined frown. She's going to get wrinkles and it will be all his fault. </p><p>When they finally reach the summit after a grueling climb, the view of the jagged outlines of the mountains in the horizon manages to divert her attention away from the burning sensation in her calves for just a bit. The reprieve doesn't last long before her lower body begins aching. </p><p>"I'm gonna drop dead anytime soon now!" She calls out to Ushijima's back. He's a good 200 meters ahead but his voice rumbles like a waterfall through the cold, winter air. </p><p>"I highly doubt that," he responds monotonously. She lets out a groan.</p><p>"The things you make me do, and you don't even care!" She cries out dramatically, her bike swerving slightly off course as she flails her arms around.</p><p>"You insisted-" he begins matter-of-factly, not even sparing a glance at her. She pouts. <em>How rude.</em></p><p>"The things I do <em>for</em> you! Am I not a good friend?!" She calls out to him in frustration, between pants as she pedals harder to catch up to him. He doesn't reply and keeps his eyes on the road, never faltering. She finally takes her spot back, riding by his side and sticks her tongue out at him childishly. Again, she is ignored.</p><p>He uses this chance to speed up, striding forward. <em>Screw him and his crazy stamina! </em>she curses inwardly, watching his figure round a corner, disappearing without her. <em>Whatever,</em> she thinks, slowing down to a pleasant cruise, letting out a sigh.</p><p>She turns her focus to the passing streets, catching glimpses of the townspeople preparing for the day; opening their shops, setting up their stalls and just going about their lives. It's a familiar sight, one she's observed for years, and yet never gets bored of.</p><p>It's just another day. </p><p> </p><p>❁</p><p> </p><p><em>A good friend, huh?  </em>She thinks to herself later, sipping on a packet of apple yogurt, letting it hang off her mouth as she walks to her club room. She passes by the gym on her way, the sound of volleyballs bouncing against the wooden floors reverberating throughout the vicinity. She scoffs to herself as a particularly violent slam echoes around her. </p><p><em>How many years has it been? </em>She thinks bitterly, sucking the last of the yogurt dry, enjoying the sound of the plastic packet scrunching up in her mouth. </p><p>She's the first to arrive today, not much surprise there. She changes into her jersey and shorts and goes to sit at her favourite corner in the room, checking her phone for a bit before melting to the floor in exhaustion, ending up in a fetal position with her knees up to her chest. She screws her eyes shut and concentrates on catching a few winks before the others come. </p><p>It's not working today, for some reason.</p><p>
  <em>Friend, huh?</em>
</p><p>She wills herself to stop thinking. Unfortunately, her dream tells her otherwise.</p><p>
  <em>She is thirteen again, cheering her head off as Shiratorizawa takes the early lead in one of the preliminary games. </em>
</p><p><em>The serve goes up. </em>It's too easy,<em> she thinks gleefully and watches their libero receive it nice and clean. It connects and the ball is soaring through the air, into the waiting palms of the setter. Chiya holds her breath as Ushijima begins his run up. </em></p><p>
  <em>It's a fast, minimal stride and yet when he lifts off, the sound of his shoes against the court is audible. His arm pulls back, almost in slow motion before it comes down like a whip, impossibly fast. The ball smashes through the opponent's block. Ushijima Wakatoshi's debut spike sends a thunder rumbling throughout the gym. The crowd bursts into cheers.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her chest almost bursts with pride. She joins in the chorus of cheering around her, screaming.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Yes, that's my-"</em>
</p><p>"-friend," she murmurs to herself in the present time, more than four years later. The time is 6.35 A.M.. It is nearing the end of the winter of their second year in high school. </p><p>She is awoken to the blasting of AKB48's Heavy Rotation in her ear. She wakes with a start, letting out a surprised yelp as she sits up in a frenzy. Her teammates cackle in delight. </p><p>Practice goes as follows: warm-ups, stretching, a couple of laps, a short sprint test, more warm-ups and finally routine practice. </p><p>She sits with her legs crossed, leaning against the wall of the gym, watching the starters get in formation, the opening beats of the song blasting through the speakers. She watches them with mild disinterest, fiddling with her shoelaces most of the time until the song ends and their instructor tells them to start from the top all over again.</p><p>She almost considers skipping out but just as she's about to make the decision, the reserve group is called up for a joint run of the routine. She performs perfectly, but compared to the rest of the girls, visibly without spirit or emotion. When practice finally comes to an end, the instructor pulls her aside for what may be the third time this term with a mildly disappointed expression.</p><p>"You should try putting in more effort, Hasegawa-chan. You've got nice, clean movements. You don't belong with the reserves," she says, almost pleadingly. The young girl merely shrugs.</p><p>"I'm fine where I am now, ma'am. The team is amazing as is, I don't want to trouble them," she explains evenly for the umpteenth time. Her instructor lets out a tired sigh.</p><p>"It's up to you, Hasegawa-chan. I just hope you know you're wasting a lot of potential there. You could be a star," the elder woman tries. She just gives a lopsided smile.</p><p>"You think too highly of me, Sensei," she replies, bowing politely before turning on her heel to leave for class.</p><p> </p><p>❁</p><p> </p><p>"Maybe if you just stopped being so lazy then Ushijima-kun would finally look your way!" Aoi exclaims, bits of melon bun flying out of her mouth. The girl chuckles dryly. </p><p>"He does look my way. Everyday, in fact," she says, clipping her words as she munches on her onigiri. "Just not in <em>that </em>way," she explains with a tone more suited for lecturing a Biology class. Aoi nods sagely, looking at her with pitiful eyes.</p><p>Afternoon practice goes by in a blur, just like it always does. Nothing goes through her mind when they're practicing. Sometimes, when she watches the starters, her mind wanders somewhere far away; she thinks of home and what's for dinner. She thinks of which yukata to wear for when her cousins come to visit. </p><p>She thinks of Ushijima. If she tries hard enough, she can feel the floor vibrating as a powerful spike comes down heavy in the gym next door. Then, she's pulled back to reality when called to practice stunts.</p><p>She's changing in the locker room when she overhears two of her teammates talking in hushed tones.</p><p>"-don't you think Hasegawa-san is good? She never messes up. Sensei seems to like her as well," comes a voice she recognises as one of the first year starters.</p><p>"She is. And she doesn't even try. It annoys me, honestly," comes a second voice. A third year reserve. The bitterness in her voice is palpable. The first year girl hums.</p><p>"She's pretty too, but a bit plain don't ya think? And rich, right? Doesn't her family own the farm and factory nearby?"</p><p>"Yeah but she's nothing special. She kind of just... blends into the background."</p><p>There is a pause. "Whatever. As long as you get to keep your spot in the lineup it doesn't matter, does it?" Their conversation comes to a halt as she listens to them pack up, getting ready to leave. She decides it's a good time to make an appearance. </p><p>Plastering on a friendly smile, she walks from her row of lockers, passing them by on her way out. </p><p>"Good work today. See ya tomorrow?" She chirps, waving them off. The two of them jolt up, surprised. </p><p>"Good work! Bye!" They greet hurriedly. She gives a satisfied nod and heads out.</p><p>Ushijima meets her halfway out the gate, along with the rest of his team. She greets them with a polite nod and a small wave, her nose already red and runny from the cold.</p><p>"Yo," Tendou greets her with a lazy peace sign. The rest of the team follows with their greetings. As they go their separate ways, Semi sighs, shaking his head. He, Reon and Tendou hang back for a while, watching the retreating backs of their ace and the cheerleader.</p><p>"Watching them gives me actual depression," Semi says, wincing. Reon watches on in worry, brows slightly knitted.</p><p>"Give them some time," he says, turning away to begin the trek back to the dorm. The other two follow in suit, the late winter breeze washing over them. Tendou walks with his arms behind his head, humming, watching as the sky turns from gray to a muted purple.</p><p>"Valentine's," he says suddenly. The other two turn to him, puzzled, and wait for him to explain. He lets out a mighty yawn before letting his arms fall to his side. There's that look in his eye, the one that he gets during a match when he's watching what the opponent is going to do next, ready to pounce for a block.</p><p>"Something's gonna happen during Valentine's," he enlightens. It's not an explanation. Reon and Semi don't question him. They know better than to doubt their guess monster.</p><p> </p><p>  ❁  </p><p> </p><p>They walk side-by-side in silence. Ushijima is a little ways ahead, his footsteps confident and firm. She traces the outline of his figure against the purple sky.<em> It's always been like this, </em>she thinks- him pulling ahead, <em>two steps ahead, five steps, ten... </em></p><p>And one day he's not going to have time to wait for her and he's never going to stop because he can't. Not like she would let him anyway. She wonders if she will ever be able to catch up to him. </p><p>It's a silly thought- <em>of course not,</em> her inner self chides. She pushes it to the back of her mind and skips ahead to match his rhythm. She looks up at him, smiling.</p><p>"You comin' over for dinner?" She asks hopefully. He gives a low, thoughtful hum and checks his watch. </p><p>"Not today," he replies. "It's late," he adds. She frowns, not believing him and wraps her fingers around his wrist, bringing his arm up to check the time on his watch herself. She ignores the comfortable warmth of his skin. <em>Huh. It's just a little past seven.</em> Curfew is at eight. She lets out a disappointed sigh and sticks her bottom lip out slightly.</p><p>"I don't get why you stay in the dorms. We have three spare rooms," she grumbles, kicking at the tar.</p><p>"I don't want to intrude," he says simply. She knits her eyebrows, frowning at the ground, her hands tightening around the handle of her bag.</p><p>"You know my family wouldn't mind-" she bites her lip and swallows her frustration. A moment later, she lifts her head and drops her shoulders in defeat.</p><p>"Suit yourself. We're having hayashi rice tonight," she adds haughtily, secretly hoping he'll take the bait. </p><p>"We have some leftover at the dorm," he responds flatly. She grimaces.</p><p>"That doesn't sound healthy. Or safe," she says with distaste. Ushijima remains unfazed.</p><p>"The canteen's still open until nine."</p><p>Chiya lets out an unsatisfied grunt and stomps on ahead. "You're so difficult, Wakatoshi," she mutters under her breath.</p><p>"Whatever, thanks for walking with me. I don't know why you still do. I'm a big girl, don't you see?" She says, holding her head high, her nose in the air. </p><p>
  <em>Don't you see?</em>
</p><p>She wilts, turning on her heel. "See ya tomorrow." She strings her words together, throwing them over her shoulder and rounds the corner to her family compound. Ushijima watches as she disappears behind the flower bed by her front gate before turning to begin his journey back to school.</p><p>The faint smell of red wine and tomato sauce wafts through the air.</p><p> </p><p>  ❁  </p><p> </p><p>Chiya lays in bed that night, staring up at her ceiling. The beef from dinner settles uncomfortably in her stomach. The insects are starting to come out again. The noise of the crickets drift through the air.</p><p>'<em>She doesn't even try. It annoys me.' </em></p><p><em>Same here, </em>she scoffs to herself and turns herself over so she's lying on her stomach and buries her head in her pillow.</p><p>
  <em>'You should try putting in more effort, Hasegawa-chan.'  </em>
</p><p><em>It's stupid,</em> she thinks, that even after all these years she still can't find it in herself to just tell him. It's not like she's doing a good job keeping her feelings hidden. She's pretty sure everyone around them knows by now. <em>Everyone but him.</em> She lets out a strangled cry into the soft cotton, bunching up the fabric in her fists.</p><p>She thinks about the past seven years, cheering him on at the closes proximity possible. Walking home with him. Eating dinner with him. Complaining to him.<em> Seven years and nothing,</em> she thinks bitterly.</p><p>It's dumb that she's acting like those girls in movies. <em>'But I'm scared of ruining our friendship!' </em>the female protagonist complains to her nerdy best friend. She hates that she relates to that so much. And another: <em>'What if he says no?' </em></p><p>
  <em>He'll definitely say no, he has volleyball and that's enough for him. </em>
</p><p>The selfish part of her begins to stir. </p><p><em>Maybe he'll change his mind if it's forced down his throat, </em>she muses. </p><p>She thinks about his back turned to her, every morning, every evening, every day. His broad shoulders, the nape of his neck, the strong certainty of his stride. </p><p>She pictures herself reaching out, catching the hem of his jacket and tugging on it until he slows to a stop. Her hands will travel to his collar and pull him down until their faces are centimetres apart and for once <em>he </em>will lean in to-</p><p><em>No,</em> he'll pause and stare at her, his brows knitted in confusion before slowly straightening. It will be a misunderstanding, he will apologize softly and walk away. Two steps, five, ten...</p><p>Her eyes flutter close. Her mind gives in to exhaustion. Just as she drifts off, a single thought dissolves into the deepest chasms of her heart.</p><p>She would try, she should try, she will try-</p><p>
  <em>Maybe we're both difficult people.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>  ❁ </p><p> </p><p>Valentine's day in Shiratorizawa is more like a festival than anything else. On the day, the halls are dotted with fallen red and pink petals. There are students running from block to block, chasing after their chance at a rose-coloured high school life. It will rain for some in the quieter spaces; behind the gym, in an empty classroom, on the way home. </p><p>Afternoon practice is cut short for that day. As soon as their instructor gives the okay and dismisses them with an amused smile playing on her lips, the team disperses like ants in rain. There are a few court invaders as well. She heads to the volleyball gym, lugging along a bag of obligatory chocolates. </p><p>Strangely, the boys' practice has also ended early this time around. It's a little unusual considering how famous Coach Washijou is for his tight rein over the team. </p><p>Inside, the hall is already mostly empty. She spots Tendou and Reon hanging back with their first year setter, Shirabu. All the third years are long gone. Ushijima is nowhere to be found. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't a little disappointed. </p><p><em>Nevermind.</em> </p><p>She holds the bag of chocolates a little tighter and goes over to the three, calling out to them with a cheery smile.</p><p>"I got one for everyone on the team. Could you help pass it to them?" She requests, passing the bag over to Reon. He gives her a kind smile and nods. She scans the gym nonchalantly, hopelessly hoping for him to just suddenly appear out of thin air.</p><p>"What's that ya got there?" Comes Tendou's sly, lilting voice. Her hands tighten around the small box behind her back. She clenches her teeth, smile tightening.</p><p>"It's mine," she lies, knowing full well that he can see right through her. She hates how even though their barely interact outside of brief moments like this, he's always able to read her like an open book. The redhead smirks and turns to his teammate, a mischievous glint in his eye.</p><p>"Yo, Reon. We should be closing up shop right about now, don'tcha think?" He says with a wink. Reon blinks then nods in understanding.</p><p>"Shirabu," he calls out, slightly startling the first year who's seated a little ways away, busying himself with the tape around his fingers. </p><p>"Yes!" He answers immediately, head snapping up.</p><p>"You can head back. I don't think we're going to be practicing anymore today," the elder explains patiently. </p><p>"A-alright." The sandy-haired setter trips over himself trying to pack his things and scampers out.</p><p>"Guess I'll be going, then. The key's in the office. Lock up, will you?" Reon says, gathering his own things and heading out.</p><p>"Will do!" Tendou calls out as he disappears out the doors. Then, he turns to her with a lazy smirk.</p><p>"Nets," he says casually, pointing his chin to the court. She sighs and stuffs the red box into her bag, setting it down before getting to work.</p><p>"So, what's up?" Tendou calls out from across the hall, fetching stray balls. </p><p>She presses her lips together in concentration, untying the knots that hold up the net. She weighs her options in her mind; ignore Tendou and leave right after they're done or indulge him (and herself) and possibly get some advice (not that he's her first choice for it, far from it, in fact). She sighs and makes the harder decision.</p><p>"Do you think it would work?" She asks aloud as her fingers work on the string. </p><p>"Do I think what would work?" He muses, tossing a ball into the bin. She forces down her irritation and decides to weather the storm.</p><p>"Wakatoshi and I," she says, keeping her voice low, but just loud enough for him to hear from where he is. There is a pregnant pause before Tendou responds.</p><p>"Ah! Well..." he trails off, humming a little tune. "You never know until you try," he says after finally finishing the song. She's already begun folding the nets. She lets out a groan.</p><p>"I knew you'd say that," she groans. The blocker lets out a guffaw.</p><p>"And you still asked! You had it coming," he teases, carting the bin away to the corner of the gym.</p><p>"...But you'll definitely regret it if you don't. Try, I mean," he adds nonchalantly, zipping up the bin with a sort of finality that seems to echo his words. She doesn't answer. She pauses, standing right in the middle of the court, weighing the advice in her mind. </p><p>"You gotta tell it to him straight, though. You know how he is," Tendou says with a little chuckle. "More than anyone," he intones.</p><p>"I do. And yet..." She trails of, clenching her fists, getting mad at the thought of <em>him,</em> at herself.</p><p>"And <em>yeeettt?"</em> Tendou sing-songs. Just then, a door opens somewhere in the background. The redhead hums, smiling. "Speak of the devil."</p><p>Ushijima enters the hall with two shopping bags full of gifts. Kawanishi follows right behind him, bearing a similar amount in his arms. </p><p>"What a loot, Wakatoshi! You're really popular with the girls, huh?" Tendou comments, flashing a shit-eating grin at the only female in the gym. She shoots him a withering glare. </p><p>"I didn't take this from anyone. They were given to me," Ushijima responds flatly, frowning at Tendou's choice of words. His teammate lets out a loud laugh, throwing his head back.</p><p>"Well good luck-" he calls out, eyeing her with a smirk and then Ushijima as he gathers his things and heads to the entrance of the gym. "-with all that. Hang in there, Taichi! All in a day's work!" He hollers and jogs off.</p><p> </p><p>  ❁ </p><p> </p><p>Her arms are sore by the time they reach her home. Upon entering the compound, her maids rush forward to ease them of their burden. She is suddenly aware of the extra weight in her bag, where a small red box sits untouched. She ignores it and takes her shoes off.</p><p>"Your bath is ready, Ushijima-san," announces one of the maids before disappearing into the kitchen. </p><p>She flips through the channels, bored, sipping a box of apple juice. </p><p>"You staying 'til Sunday?" She asks flatly.</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>"Cool." She barely hides her joy. </p><p>Later, she sits on the floor of the guest room Ushijima's settled into, sifting through the dozens of letters he'd received earlier in the day from his many avid admirers. The captain himself is absorbed in Math homework, hunched over calculus problems. </p><p>"Ah, this one's good," she exclaims, brandishing one of the letters. It's a real fancy piece of paper with embossed golden borders at the sides and little, faint details of flowers decorating the parchment.</p><p>"<em>'Ushijima-san',</em>" she reads the perfect cursive handwriting aloud. </p><p><em>"</em><em>'Know that I am writing to you with a sincere heart. This letter is a confession of my feelings for you. You've stolen my heart ever since I first watched you play last year in the Spring Tournament. I have been wanting to get closer to you since then, but I was always too shy. Through this letter, I hope this can be the chance I've been waiting for to get to know you better. I hope you can consider these feelings of mine.'" </em>She ends with a dramatic flourish and tosses it back into the pile on the floor beside her.</p><p>"Someone really took the time to write that," <em>Not that I can relate,</em> she thinks bitterly. "It's cute." </p><p>Ushijima makes no sign to indicate that he's been listening to her at all. She lets out an exasperated sigh before hoisting herself up and heading over to him.</p><p>She deposits herself at the edge of the desk, swinging her feet as she watches him study. She can't see his face but she can picture the silent concentration, the slight furrow of his brow, the slight purse of his lip. His hair is still damp from the bath. She wants to run her hands through it. </p><p>It hurts her, how they can be this close and yet so far apart. Her mind chooses then to remember the little red box sitting on the desk in her own room. Then, to the clock on the wall. 10:30 P.M. it reads. <em>Day's not over yet.</em></p><p>"Who am I to you, Wakatoshi?" The question slips out without her intending it to. She hears the words tumble out of her mouth, clear and true, and knows it's too late. His answer comes a moment later, bouncing off his notebook as he keeps his head down, continuing to write.</p><p>"You're my friend."</p><p><em>Right, friend, of course.</em> She bites her lip and looks up to the ceiling. Suddenly, something alien spreads across her chest. She finds that she doesn't want to hear that anymore. </p><p>Slowly, she leans in until their faces are mere inches apart. Before she can stop herself, more words fall out of her lips.</p><p>"What if I told you I don't want to be that anymore?" She asks softly. After a long, painful second, he puts his pen down and looks up at her, quirking an eyebrow in confusion.</p><p>Suddenly, there is a loud knock on her door. She remembers herself and eases back just as the door flies open to reveal her mother.</p><p>"Ushijima-kun! How nice of you to come by!" She greets with a bright, glamorous smile before proceeding to pelt him with questions for ten whole minutes. </p><p>"I'll be giving your mother a ring to let her know you've settled in nicely, alright? We've got oyakodon for breakfast tomorrow and you- let the boy study!" Mrs. Hasegawa clucks.</p><p>"Yeah, I'm going, I'm going," she grumbles, hopping off the desk and making her way out.</p><p>"If there's anything at all, just let us know!" Her mother calls out again before leaving. Ushijima thanks her with a small smile and a polite nod.</p><p>The silence after is awkward as the girl pauses at the door, unsure of what to do next. For a second, their eyes meet before she ducks her head and slips out.</p><p>"Goodnight, Wakatoshi." She doesn't give him a chance to reply before the door clicks behind her. </p><p>The next morning, she oversleeps on purpose to avoid having to see Ushijima before heading out to weekend practice. She leaves as soon as Sensei dismisses them, knowing that the volleyball team would be finishing a little later. That night, they barely interact during dinner as her parents continue to grill Ushijima about school and volleyball and university. She passes him rice one time, avoiding eye contact and spends a longer time in the kitchen cleaning up after giving him the cold shoulder when he asks if he could help with anything. She doesn't sleep a wink.</p><p>On Sunday, she sends him off to the front gate with a mutter of 'see you tomorrow' as she traces spirals in the dirt beneath her feet, refusing to look up at him. She pauses before heading back into the house, and watches Ushijima's retreating figure under the muted evening sun as he jogs back to school. </p><p> </p><p>  ❁ </p><p> </p><p>Their second year comes to an uneventful end.</p><p>The next time she meets him after that weekend is the day before the term break. She hadn't been able to properly meet him the past few weeks due to their respective busy schedules what with their respective competitions coming up, resulting in irregular, intensive training sessions for the both of them. </p><p>The only time she had gotten to see him (even if in passing) was during their lunches, in the hallway or on the way to the gym for afternoon sessions. These meetings often ended up with them just faintly greeting each other or no interaction at all. </p><p>So when she finally gets a rare chance to speak to him, she finds herself waiting outside the volleyball team's gym after her practice had ended early for once. Seems like theirs did, too.</p><p>"'Said he wants to hang back and practice his serves," Semi tells her as the team filters out of the gym. Tendou appears behind him, eyeing her curiously. She almost wants to snap at him and tell him to <em>buzz off it's none of your business</em> but he doesn't say anything other than, "Happy holidays, Hasegawa-chan. See ya next term," with a lopsided smile and waves her off with a peace sign. She keeps her expression neutral as she bids them goodbye in similar fashion before turning on her heel to head into the gym.</p><p>She hears him before she sees him. Hears the echoes of the ball colliding against wooden floors with such force it seems to send vibrations throughout the building. She inhales deeply, trying to calm her nerves because <em>what is this?</em> It's just them talking, it's nothing special-</p><p>She opens one of the side doors just as a stray ball comes blasting towards the wall beside her. She feels the wind caress her face from its speed and stands in frozen in shock, snapping out of it only when it bounces onto the floor to a stop. </p><p>Ushijima himself seems to have just noticed her arrival. He straightens, wiping the seat running down the side of his face.</p><p>"Sorry," he says, holding a hand up. She gives him a sheepish smile and waltzes in. </p><p>"It's been a while," she says, if only to diffuse the awkwardness. He gives a hum in response. His eyes flit to the clock hung by the stage. It's getting late. He supposes he should start cleaning up.</p><p>"Wait outside. I'll walk with you," he says, moving to gather the stray balls. She shakes her head and puts her bag down.</p><p>"I'll help," she says. Her tone is firm. He can't find it in himself to deny her. They work swiftly and quietly. For a while, the only sounds in the hall are that of the equipment and their footsteps. </p><p>She is the first to break the silence, her voice surprisingly blanketed in dulcet tones.</p><p>"Hey, about what I said on Valentine's..." She doesn't turn to speak to him and instead busies herself with filling the ball bin. Ushijima continues unwrapping the sports tape off his fingers, listening. </p><p>"Did you think about it?" She's trying very hard to keep her voice even, to keep it from shaking, to keep from showing her desperation for an answer. </p><p>"If that's what you want," he says. She turns to him, her activity coming to a complete stop. She waits intently for him to go on.</p><p>"If us being acquainted has been hindering you, then it is best for the both of us if we part amicably to focus on our goals," he explains evenly, betraying no emotion at all. </p><p>She drops the ball in her hand. Its bounces ring around the hall, hollow, haunting.</p><p>"What are you talking about?" Her voice comes out strained, her fists bunching up at her sides. He looks up from his hands, puzzled.</p><p>"<em>'I don't want to be that anymore'</em> is what you said that night, yes? I'm assuming our friendship has been holding you back all this time. Therefore, if that burden is lifted, it would only make sense for us to end it before it causes any more damage-"</p><p>She wants to scream. Her body begins to tremble, her face going red as she clenches her jaw.</p><p>"That's not what I meant," she snaps, looking up to face him, the embers in her eyes glowing. Ushijima blinks.</p><p>"That's not what I meant at all!" She reiterates, her voice rising. Before he even has the chance to ask her exactly <em>what</em> she means, she's grabbing her bag from the floor, swinging it over her shoulder forcefully. </p><p>Then, she storms over to him, eyes ablaze and thrusts a small red box to his chest. </p><p>"It's late but whatever, this is for you," she bites out, pushing it into his hands. He frowns, unable to comprehend her anger towards him. Just as she throws the front doors open, she turns suddenly, hair flurrying as the wind rushes in.</p><p>"I'm going to make you change your mind, Wakatoshi! I'll make you understand!" She declares fiercely, before turning to leave, the door slamming in her wake.</p><p>Ushijima stands, rooted to the floor of the court. He turns his gaze to the box in his hands. He pulls on the red ribbon and opens it up.</p><p>In it is a key chain with assorted trinkets; a volleyball, a cow and a chibi Minamoto no Yoshitsune.</p><p> </p><p>❁  </p><p> </p><p>"-so you just ran off?!" Aoi's voice pierces through the loudspeaker of her phone. She cringes.</p><p>"When you put it like that-" she mutters, hugging her pillow tighter. She is cut off by the sound of her friend's cackles at the other end of the line. </p><p>"I'm hanging up now," she grumbles, rolling her eyes. </p><p>"No, no, no! Okay, I'll stop," the other girl pleads, wheezing. She can almost picture her doubling over, clutching her stomach, eyes pooling with tears.</p><p>"Anyway, what does this have to do with making the lineup this year?" She questions later when the giggles are long gone. She rolls onto her back, staring listlessly at the ceiling.</p><p>"Well I just figured that if I got on his level then I could talk to him as equals," she explains. <em>I don't want to talk to his back anymore, I want to catch up to him as soon as I can before I can say what I want to, </em>she thinks inwardly. <em>But no one needs to know that. </em></p><p>Aoi whistles.</p><p>"That's some heavy stuff."</p><p>"I know, right?"</p><p>"Well, good luck. I'll be cheering you on, always!"</p><p>"Thanks."</p><p> </p><p>Her term break is spent listening to the same song blasting over the hall speakers on repeat for five hours six days a week for two straight weeks. At the end of each day, she takes the long way home to calm her mind in the sounds of nature and clear her head listening to the distant buzz of the town. At home, she does her homework in silence and goes to bed straight after to shut off any unnecessary thoughts. Rinse and repeat.</p><p>Her progress is astronomical by normal standards. But, according to the overheard conversations of her teammates, she's always been this good so it's no surprise. She pays no heed to their comments and ploughs on, hitting every move on beat, sticking every stunt where it's supposed to land and ending with a dazzling smile despite the burning sensation in her thighs. </p><p>"Change of mind?" Sensei inquires at the end of one session. She shakes her head, smiling. </p><p>"Change of heart." </p><p>"Aah," the elder woman gives her a wink and wishes her good luck. </p><p>She passes Ushijima by in the mornings on the way to school, when the volleyball team's doing their roadwork. She doesn't acknowledge him, instead cycling past with a knowing smile, the warm, late spring wind in her hair.</p><p>She makes the cut at the end of the holidays.</p><p> </p><p>  ❁ </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Five six seven eight!</em>
</p><p>The opening beats of the song blast through the speakers. She clenches her teeth through a smile, raising her arms before tumbling into a layout followed by a double back handspring, landing with but a tiny step forward, raising purple and white pom-poms. </p><p>"They're like ninjas!" Yunohama exclaims in awe, making excited hand gestures. Beside him, Kawanishi watches intensely, eyes set in a frown, not minding his teammate's excitement. Shirabu lets out a growl, shoving the pinch server out of the way.</p><p>"I can't see, idiot!" He snaps, leaning in to get a better view. </p><p>They squat by the windows for a while, watching mesmerized as the cheer team runs through their routine, letting out sound effects every once in a while. They are way too engrossed in watching the girls that they don't even realize someone approaching them until Tendou clears his voice.</p><p>"Playing Peeping Tom, are we now?" He sing-songs, a wicked smirk tugging at his lips. The three second-years jump up in surprise, sputtering.</p><p>"W-we weren't-" Yunohama squawks, cheeks bright red. Tendou lets out a gleeful, evil laugh.</p><p>"Working hard to get a better look, yes Kenjirou?" He teases their sandy-haired setter. Shirabu lets out a sound of denial before it dies in his throat upon catching sight of their newly-appointed captain staring them down. All of them let out a strangled cry as Ushijima appears seemingly out of thin air.</p><p>"What are you all doing?" He asks, frowning in disapproval. "We've only got a minute before-"</p><p>"Why don'tcha make some space for your senpai, huh?" Tendou cuts him off, scooting forward between Kawanishi and Yunohama, who scuttle to the side to allow the middle blocker a seat. "You too, Wakatoshi~" He adds with a devious grin. </p><p>The four of them wait in anticipation as their ace hesitates. A long moment later, he relents with a sigh and crouches down beside Tendou to take a look at whatever his juniors had been so intently observing.</p><p>He is dully surprised to discover the cheer team practicing.</p><p>He has never been one to indulge in such activity as gawking publicly at members of the opposite gender, much less his fellow schoolmates; he's always found it distasteful how many of his peers have let themselves get carried away in such a manner. His focus has always solely been on volleyball; everything else can wait until later when they're older and it's necessary. At the present moment, such infatuation is a distraction to his goals which is why-</p><p>He finds his eyes combing through the many faces of the troupe until he pinpoints an achingly familiar one.</p><p>Hasegawa Chiya's dazzling smile shines through the crowd as they practice their dance sequence. Her usually unkempt wavy hair is tied in a high ponytail, strands of it coming loose. Beads of sweat run down the nape of her neck, her cool gaze never faltering as she navigates herself through the constantly changing formations. He watches on intently as she begins her run-up and vaults off the ground in a handless-cartwheel, landing gracefully with a dazzling smile.</p><p>As the routine comes to an end, he suddenly feels four pairs of eyes on him and turns to find his teammates watching him in silence. He stares back at them questioningly. After a moment, Tendou chuckles.</p><p>"At least we know now that someone is a big fan of beautiful S-lines," he says with a wink. Before Ushijima can inquire about the strange terminology, a familiar voice interrupts them. Soekawa Jin stands towering above his teammates, glowering.</p><p>"The only 'S' you idiots will be talking about are the seven laps around the field you're going to be running after practice," he says menacingly. Tendou and the second-years let out sorrowful groans before scampering off.</p><p>"That was lame, Jin," the redhead throws over his shoulder as he makes his escape, deftly ducking a punch his teammate throws at him along with a bark telling him to just shut up and get back to the gym. The vice captain's eyes go wide upon noticing his captain's presence.</p><p>"You too, Wakatoshi?" He says with a tired sigh, massaging his temples.</p><p>Ushijima gives a grunt in acknowledgement and walks off behind his fellow offenders, the tips of his ears turning pink.</p><p> </p><p>❁</p><p> </p><p>She catches him just as he's stepping out of the club room. "Wakatoshi!" She calls out, waving to him.</p><p>"How's the team?" She asks later when they're rounding the school gate, taking the left towards the Hasegawa compound.</p><p>"We are confident," Ushijima answers. It's not much of an answer but she understands nonetheless. He's never been one for words. He says things as they are.</p><p>"As you should be," she says in agreement with an approving nod. Then, she breaks out into a mischievous grin and looks up at him through her eyelashes.</p><p>"What did ya think of our routine?" She asks innocently. Ushijima visibly tenses, his ears and neck colouring.</p><p>"It was very well executed. Your team will go far," he says with a mildly strained voice. She muffles her giggles with the back of her hand, recalling the image of the captain and his teammates crouched at the windows earlier that afternoon, attempting to be stealthy.</p><p>"Thank you, for the blessings you have bestowed upon us, O Mighty Ace-sama," she responds with a theatrical touch. The corners of Ushijima's lips quirk up ever so slightly at her antics.</p><p>They walk on, chattering idly about school until they enter the Hasegawa farms. </p><p>The sun is setting, the sky a brilliant red and orange. The paddy fields are faintly tinted tangerine as they pass through. Out of the corner of her eye, Chiya catches a glint of metal. Her late Valentine's gift hangs from the strap of his bag, the chibi Minami no Yoshitsune grinning up at her. Her chest warms.</p><p>Ushijima steals a glance at her, sees the faint smile upon her lips and feels his muscles relax for the first time today.</p><p>They finally reach the grand wooden gates of her family home. She bids him goodbye and begins to head in before she pauses just as the gates begin to slide close.</p><p>"Are you staying over for Golden Week?" She asks, a hint of wistfulness tinting her voice. Ushijima's expression is impassive though his eyes turn slightly grim.</p><p>"We're having a training camp," he informs her, voice low. Her heart drops. She lets out a thoughtful hum to hide her disappointment.</p><p>"How about dinner on Showa Day?" She tries, hopeful. There is a pause as he considers her offer. After a long moment, he nods wordlessly, confirming his free schedule for the night. She lets out a breath she didn't even know she'd been holding.</p><p>"See you, then."</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>She smiles, satisfied, and turns into her home, the gates sliding shut behind her. </p><p> </p><p>  ❁ </p><p> </p><p>Ushijima finds his teammates on the floor of his room when he gets back to the dorm, playing UNO. It's a familiar enough sight, but something about the tense air suggests a prior conversation cut short just before he had arrived. He pushes the thought away and shrugs his windbreaker off, preparing to make for the showers.</p><p>"Oh, there he is, Captain Oblivious," the redhead sneers from behind his playing cards. Reon lets out a strangled cough that sounds suspiciously like a laugh into his fist. Semi's eyebrows are knitted in concentration as he plans his next move. Yamagata and Soekawa take up the space on the bed, absorbed in homework. Ushijima's eyes narrow at the middle blocker.</p><p>"What." It's not a statement, more of<em> I'm not in the mood, Tendou.</em> His teammate however, pays no mind to the captain's clipped tone.</p><p>"We were waiting on ya! Took you a while," he says nonchalantly, fingers hovering over his cards. </p><p>"I was walking Chiya-"</p><p>"Yeah, yeah, we know," Tendou cuts him off. The tension in the room increases tenfold. Reon shoots their guess monster a look of alarm. Semi visibly freezes mid-move. The other two stop writing and lift their heads in shock. </p><p>Tendou has always been reckless on the court; his style of play is telling of that much. He's got a sharp tongue and a horrible attitude towards the opponents they face; cold, manipulative and bordering on mildly psychotic. However, he's never been one to use that energy towards anything other than volleyball. </p><p>But right now, as Ushijima visibly stiffens, his eyes stony and dark while Tendou challenges him, it's plainly obvious that he's trying to push their ace's buttons. And of course he knows which ones to push, being the closest to their captain.</p><p>"You should stop doing that, both of you." Tendou finally turns to face his teammate, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. Ushijima clenches his fist and raises a brow, questioning.</p><p>"That thing where you two act like it's nothing and keep it all in-" the redhead goes on, rising from his seat on the floor of their shared room. Reon tugs on the hem of his shirt.</p><p>"Tendou-" he says warningly.</p><p>"It just isn't healthy, treading around all those feelings, someone's bound to fall off the edge sometime..." Tendou's all up in Ushijima's face now, smiling devilishly. </p><p>The taller stares him down. If it were anyone else on the receiving end of that, they would've definitely been vaporized on the spot. However, Tendou's not anyone else. He stands his ground.</p><p>The air around them solidifies for a long second before the redhead bursts out into laughter. The rest of their friends watch on in horror and confusion as he claps a hand to Ushijima's shoulder.</p><p>"All I'm tryna say is, you should consider your own feelings too, Wakatoshi. Be selfish for once," he says with a wink.</p><p>"I will." Ushijima's voice comes out confident and sure a beat later. The room falls silent again. Even Tendou blinks, a little speechless, before they all let out sighs of relief. </p><p>"You guys done?" Semi grumbles, holding his card in his hand. Tendou sighs and takes his seat.</p><p>"Yeah, yeah-"</p><p>"UNO, game," their backup setter announces, throwing his card down and stalks off, depositing himself on the bed, folding his arms across his chest and closing his eyes to ward off the beginnings of Tendou's calls for a rematch and his oncoming headache.</p><p>All this teen angst stuff is really tiring.</p><p> </p><p>  ❁  </p><p> </p><p>The Hasegawa residence is lit up brightly on the inside, from what Ushijima can see as he enters the large compound. The smell of hayashi rice wafts through the panels of the front entrance along with loud, indistinct chatter coming from the main living area of the house. </p><p>"Pardon me for the intrusion," he mutters, slipping off his shoes and sliding the doors open.</p><p>Everyone in the room freezes as he steps in, as though they've been caught doing something illegal. He barely processes the two older women and men, three young toddlers in the background and Chiya frozen in motion, a messy real-life recreation of a Renaissance piece. The moment passes and the chaotic chatter continues, the adults all speaking animatedly.</p><p>She untangles herself from her relatives and rushes over to him, flashing an apologetic smile. She wraps an arm around his and pulls him into the fray.</p><p>"Um! Everyone-" She calls out but is drowned out under the conversation. Ushijima watches as her neck colours and she bites her lip in determination.</p><p>"Everyone! We have a guest!" She announces pointedly. The chatter dies down as the rest of her family regards him with delayed surprise.</p><p>"Ushijima Wakatoshi. It's a pleasure to meet you," he says evenly, bowing in respect. </p><p>"Ah, Ushijima-kun, have a seat. I hope you don't mind that we've started without you," Mrs. Hasegawa says sheepishly, ushering him in. A steaming plate of rice and bowl of miso soup are laid out in front of him soon and after little hesitation and a mumbled <em>'thank you for the food'</em> he digs in.</p><p>Beside him, Chiya is engaged in a heated discussion with whom he presumes are her aunt and uncle. </p><p>"So you're saying I should just stay here in the country and take over?" She moans, aghast. </p><p>"It's what your father wants-" her aunt harrumphs. The Hasegawa head takes a huge gulp of his beer and narrows his eyes at his sister.</p><p>"I didn't say a damn thing-" he protests.</p><p>"Please dear, it's for the family. It's not so bad, is it now?" Her mother placates with a tight smile. It sends chills up the wing spiker's spine, the underlying firmness of her tone reminding him of his own mother.</p><p>"How about we ask the boy?" Her uncle proposes. The table falls silent as all eyes turn to Ushijima, whose chopsticks full of beef are halfway into his mouth. He sets the utensils down and turns to them, puzzled.</p><p>"Yes?" He inquires. She holds her head despairingly in her hands.</p><p>"Do you think our Chiya here has what it takes to run it all?" The elder man presses. They stare at Ushijima, intently waiting on his answer. </p><p>"I believe she is capable of doing so," he says formally. The adults lean in, completely invested in hearing what he has to say. </p><p>"She can do anything she wants, if she puts her mind to it," he continues, admiration tinging his words, his features softening as he recalls her determination during her practices. She looks at him through the cracks of her fingers, unable to decide between wanting to choke him or hug him.</p><p>A thoughtful silence spreads across the dining table of the Hasegawa family. Her uncle nods sagely.</p><p>"Nicely put, boy," he says before turning to the young mistress of the house. "Your boyfriend here knows how to choose his words. Very impressive, Chi-chan," he adds with a playful smile.</p><p>The pensive silence shatters as the room explodes in chaos once more. The Hasegawa heads double over themselves as they burst into voracious laughter. Chiya on the other hand, has her face drained of all colour.</p><p>"B-boyfriend?" She sputters helplessly. Her aunt laughs, waving her hand dismissively.</p><p>"At least we know you'll have good helping hands when the time comes," she says. Her face turns beet red, all the blood suddenly rushing to her head.</p><p>"We're not like that!" She cries out desperately. Her relatives pay her no mind, turning their hawk-like gaze towards the elephant in the room. Ushijima blinks, expressionless.</p><p>"Are you?" Her uncle inquires with an amused smile, eyebrow raised.</p><p>"We're getting there," the ace responds right off the bat, downright serious.</p><p>The room bursts into laughter. She stares at him from across the table, bewildered and shocked.</p><p> </p><p>  ❁  </p><p> </p><p>"What was that?!" She groans, falling backwards onto the wooden floor of the veranda. Beside her, Ushijima chews on his watermelon, looking out at the expanse of the fields below. The early summer breeze washes over them, wind chimes tinkling in the distance. </p><p>"I have been taking your words into consideration," he starts. She turns to him slowly, eyes going wide "-and my teammates have provided valuable insight-" he continues.</p><p>"Wakatoshi, stop talking like that," she complains. His lips tug into a small smile. </p><p>"I've been thinking about it," he concludes simply. The girl beside him frowns.</p><p>"And?" She probes.</p><p>"And I agree that it's time we-"</p><p>She sits up, suddenly and presses a finger to his mouth.</p><p>"No! Stop talking!" She yelps. He looks at her in confusion.</p><p>"But-" he attempts but her finger presses harder against his lips as she leans in close, eyes ablaze, managing to eclipse the bright moon overhead.</p><p>"I don't want to hear it!" She says and eases back, retracting her hand as it drops to her lap.</p><p>"Not yet, at least," she adds softly, eyes downcast. He waits for her to go on.</p><p>"You still don't get it do you, Wakatoshi?" She looks up at him with a mix of frustration and admiration. </p><p>"Those are words <em>I</em> want to say to you, I alone. No one can take that away from me, not even you," she says almost fiercely, but it's not aggressive, instead resolute and firm. </p><p>Then she breaks into a smile, the corners of her eyes crinkling. </p><p>"So you'll just have to wait until I say so, alright?"</p><p>Ushijima nods, understanding. "Alright." </p><p>A beat. </p><p>She stretches, letting out an exaggerated sigh and leans back, holding herself up on her arms.</p><p>"It could've been easier..." she trails off, looking to the moon wistfully. Ushijima follows her gaze.</p><p>We <em>could've been easier. It's too bad we're both difficult people, </em>she thinks, biting the thought down. <em>But-</em></p><p>"This is nice, too," she breathes out. Ushijima steals a glance at her profile, head turned skywards. Behind her, the cherry blossoms are budding.</p><p>"It is."</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. seasons ii</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>the seasons change, but their feelings don't</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>my headcanon has always been this:<br/>-ushijima was raised in a modern home with traditional beliefs</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>As the final whistle blows, she feels her heart explode along with the cheers that fill the hall around her. She can't stop smiling as she watches the team line up in front of the audience and shouts their thanks. She joins in the cacophony of <em>good game!</em> and <em>we are proud of you!</em></p><p>They begin filing out of the gym to the school buses a little while later. As she's taking a detour from the restroom before they leave, she catches sight of turquoise and white. A little ways away from the vending machine in one of the secondary corridors coming from the locker rooms, she spots Oikawa Tooru and his ace standing with their arms crossed, facing off with someone- She breezily walks to the machine and slips in a 100 yen note, leaning in to see who-</p><p>"We're going to kick your ass out of the Spring Tourney, just you wait, Ushiwaka," the captain of Aoba Johsai taunts, seemingly fully recovered from his loss.</p><p>"I look forward to it." Ushijima's voice is steely yet earnest, accepting the ungracious challenge wholeheartedly. She stifles a giggle at his honesty. </p><p>"The fact that you actually mean that just pisses me off even more-" says the tan, raven haired ace, groaning. It's probably time for her to step in. <em>You never know with boys.</em></p><p>She presses on the button of her choice drink. The noise it makes falling down to the collection gutter is enough to startle them, disrupting the conversation. The three boys' gazes snap to her. She lets out an impish grin, shrugging.</p><p>"Sorry, was I interrupting something?" She asks innocently. </p><p>The annoyance in Oikawa Tooru's face flashes bright as he scans the purple and white of her uniform but in an instant, he's waving Ushijima off dismissively and tugging his teammate along in the opposite direction, where Aoba Johsai's buses await them, with a forced grin. </p><p>"Catch ya later, Ushiwaka!" He throws over his shoulder before they disappear round the corner. Ushijima watches on, eyes dark, his shoulders tense. Then, there is a cold sensation at the back of his neck. He blinks, slightly starting as he turns to the source.</p><p>She stands behind him with a mischievous grin, holding a cold can of orange juice to his skin.</p><p>"Congratulations," she says cheerily. The tension seems to leave his body as he lets his guard down, accepting the drink with a soft <em>'thank you'.</em> She steals glances at him as they walk to the parking lot. He doesn't seem tired, but he's not in a particularly festive mood either. Well, they'd expected the win, but that's not all.</p><p>"I think Oikawa-san hates you, Wakatoshi," she says later with a giggle. His eyes grow cloudy and maybe she's said the wrong thing but before she can retract her observation, Ushijima speaks.</p><p>"It's a waste," he says gravely. She quirks an eyebrow, questioning.</p><p>"He'd flourish much more, had he been on our team. His potential is stunted at Aoba Johsai," he continues, dead serious. Chiya hums thoughtfully.</p><p>"That's a bit mean, don'tcha think?" She comments nonchalantly. Ushijima fixes her a curious look.</p><p>"It's the truth." </p><p>She lets out an airy laugh. "Maybe, maybe not. Doesn't matter, does it? You won. You're going to the Interhigh and they're not. That's all it is," she says simply. Ushijima just grunts in response and if there was any indication of his dissatisfaction, he doesn't show it. </p><p>What she says next however, washes away all his lingering angst and misgivings. </p><p>"And I'll be right there with you."</p><p> </p><p>❁</p><p> </p><p>Osaka is a bustling city, but not in the way Tokyo is, though far more crowded and busier than anywhere in Miyagi. It's modern and forward but not oppressive and overbearing like she'd imagined it to be. </p><p>The hotel they are staying in, however, is rather cramped due to multiple schools other than the Shiratorizawa convoy lodging there as well. The team's got their own space in another block across the sprawling hotel compound, far from the chaos in the smaller blocks where the cheer teams are staying in. </p><p>She swears she's transported to another country at the breakfast buffet what with the different dialects attacking her from all directions. She befriends a cheerleader from Nara but has a hard time following the flow of the conversation. She's darling though, and they get along well enough during breakfast on the first day.</p><p>"These first day jitters are really gettin' ta me," her new acquaintance says, scarfing down more food than is healthy at this time of day. "What about you's?" She asks, chattering nervously. The Shiratorizawa cheerleader offers a sheepish smile.</p><p>"You get used to it I guess," she says politely, not knowing what other advice to give. The other girl harrumphs. </p><p>"Right, I forgot that powerhouse school pride you lot got going on," she sniffs, devouring her third melon bun. The Miyagi native feels her face heat up in embarrassment.</p><p>"That's not-" she begins frantically, waving her hands. The other girls laughs at her.</p><p>"'S fine. I believe in beginner's luck," the girl says with a wink. "It's only our second time here <em>ever</em>. We're like fish outta water." </p><p>"Day One is always a little nerve wracking. Your team sounds strong, though. You seem to have a lot of faith in them," she offers kindly. The Nara native grins. </p><p>"If not us, then who else is gonna cheer for those kids? We're not bad I guess, since we made it this far. But then again, we don't have a super ace like you's," she says with a shrug. The other girl swallows the swell of pride flooding her chest.</p><p>"You never know," she supplies humbly. Nara girl nods with a devious grin.</p><p>"That's what makes these tourneys worth paying that bus fee for, right?" She jokes boisterously. Just then, an announcement is made for the first round of bus-boarding. Shiratorizawa is included in the list. She rises hurriedly, bidding her new acquaintance goodbye. </p><p>"See ya later at the stadium. Don't be a stranger, country bumpkin girl!" She calls out to the purple-clad girl. She waves back at the other girl with a bright smile and joins the rest of the team as they embark on their journey to day one of the Interhigh Tournament. </p><p>The opening ceremony is a bore. </p><p>The only time she opens her mouth and feels her spirits slightly lift is when the school name is announced over the speakers as the Miyagi Prefecture Boys' Representative comes marching out of the tunnel. She can barely see them among the colourful crowd but Ushijima's presence alone is enough to command attention from all corners of the huge gymnasium as he leads the team to their spot in the uniform wave of players. </p><p>The national anthem follows along with a couple of speeches before the first matches of the day commence. </p><p>Shiratorizawa plays the opener. </p><p>She feels her heart soar as the team files out onto the court. The starting whistle is blown. The ball goes up from Reon's toss before it is served to the other side of the court. It goes back up after a poor receive towards Yamagata, and finally into Shirabu's waiting palms.</p><p>She clenches her glittery purple pom-poms close to her chest, unconsciously leaning forward in anticipation as Ushijima begins his run-up. </p><p>He kicks off the ground and lifts off like an eagle taking flight. The ball connects perfectly with his strong left palm and slices through the air, past the opposing blockers. It bounces off the floor with a sound like a thunder clap and rises in a steep arc towards the stands before bouncing off the second floor railing back down. </p><p>The crowd erupts in cheers. <em>Shiiiratorizawa!</em></p><p>It's an easy win and the match is over soon enough. The set count is a clean 2-0 with a combined 26 point difference. On the way out, she catches a glimpse of her new acquaintance from earlier in the morning in the arms of a taller boy- one of the players, judging from his jersey- the both of them crying quietly in each other's embrace. </p><p>She swallows thickly and pulls her phone out.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;Congratulations!!!</b>
</p><p>
  <b>&lt;on your failed serve in the first set &gt;_^</b>
</p><p> </p><p>❁</p><p> </p><p>Breakfast is noticeably more empty the next day. It is to be expected, of course, what with half the teams knocked out the previous day. Most had left right after. She had spent most of the afternoon with the other Shiratorizawa students hanging out in the lobby, casually watching the crowd thin out. </p><p>Day two passes by in a blur. The boys wrap up just after lunch with another straight set win against a school from Kanagawa. The atmosphere is good on the ride back to the hotel. </p><p>"Maybe you should talk to him tonight," Aoi suggests as they lounge by the pool. The other girl grunts in response, taking an idle sip of her orange juice. </p><p>"Ask him out for dinner or something. They aren't going to be practicing, right?" </p><p>"What, and distract him before tomorrow? I don't want that kind of thing on my conscience-" she begins with a scoff. Aoi cuts her off with an exasperated sigh. </p><p>"You think too much of yourself, Hasegawa-<em>sama</em>," her friend mocks, receiving an icy glare, continuing- "You <em>really</em> think a short walk to a takoyaki joint would affect our Super Ace? If it did, he wouldn't be ranked in the World team! I thought you knew better, being close to him and all," she adds mockingly.</p><p>Chiya opens and closes her mouth, unsure of how to respond to that. It's strange how Aoi can say stuff like that. Makes her realise how easy she is to read. It seems like everyone can see right through her. First, Tendou and now Aoi. She hates that the other girl's right, yet can't find it in herself to argue. Immediately, she feels bad - for underestimating Ushijima and unconsciously overestimating herself. But still-</p><p>"Maybe a short walk," she murmurs, kicking up the water like a child. She hears Aoi grin in triumph.</p><p>Her friend holds up her glass of apple juice, prompting her for a toast. She relents half-heartedly, holding up her own drink.</p><p>"Here's to <em>not </em>being a chicken!" Aoi cheers, not even waiting for a response before downing the rest of her juice. Chiya inwardly grimaces and goes back to sipping hers.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&lt;is takoyaki allowed</b>
</p><p>
  <b>&gt;i don't see any harm</b>
</p><p> </p><p>❁</p><p> </p><p>She hadn't brought any clothes other than her uniform and pyjamas. Sighing, she settles for school shorts and her middle school Shiratorizawa jersey, opting to reuse her current torn pyjama top for sleep.</p><p>She feels terribly under-dressed when she steps into the elevator with a couple girls from other schools in trendy crop tops. Even more so when she steps out of the lift to the lobby where about a dozen other people are dressed relatively better than she is. She feels some kind of relief however, when she spots Ushijima in his black training shirt and shorts seated in the waiting area, on his phone. </p><p>He's mildly surprised when he sees her, registering the ancient white jersey. She turns away, her face colouring when he stares up at her with a vaguely questioning look.</p><p>"I didn't really bring anything else to wear," she mutters, even though she didn't really have to explain herself. He shrugs,<em>'s fine</em>, and stands, turning to head out. </p><p>They walk through the city in comfortable silence, bathed in the colourful lights of the various signages that line the streets. Out of the corner of her eye, she steals glances at the ace, catching glimpses of his profile bathed in yellow, white and pink before trailing down to his hands at his sides in rhythm with his steps. Her own fingers twitch. She bites her lip, holding back the urge to reach out to him- </p><p>They pass three blocks before arriving at a slightly crowded stall. Most of the customers lining up are high school students as well. </p><p>She feels them buzz around the two of them, stealing glances and openly staring at Ushijima especially. He seems pretty much unfazed as usual as he steps forward to order a serving of the renowned local delicacy. She watches as the lady owner serves him delightedly, cooing<em> what a handsome young man, a discount for you</em> to which he politely declines. </p><p>
  <em>Isn't that Ushiwaka?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He's massive up close.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Glad we don't have to face him. I'd pee myself-</em>
</p><p>"Chiya," Ushijima's voice filters in through her mind, snapping her out of her thoughts. Before she can even respond, he's holding out a piece, blowing on it gently. She watches in a daze as the steam rises and disappears into the air. She doesn't completely comprehend what's coming until she feels something warm against her lips. </p><p>She blinks and slowly opens her mouth, allowing herself to be fed. She never knew takoyaki could taste so good. She was never a big fan but it's delicious right now, the unique flavour bursting in her mouth.</p><p>That is, until she realises Ushijima staring down at her intently while his hand is still extended. It clicks just as she feels the calloused pad of his thumb graze her top lip. It's a fleeting touch, gone as fast as it had come; when she blinks once more, Ushijima's downed a piece for himself. </p><p>And suddenly, she's hyper aware of the buzzing air around them growing louder with every passing minute.</p><p>
  <em>Is that his girl?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He's got a spot on the national team and a cute girlfriend?!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You've never done that for me-</em>
</p><p>"I think we should head back. It's getting kinda late," she starts hurriedly, hoping the neon lights are hiding her blushing. Ushijima cocks his head slightly, checking his phone.</p><p>"It's eight-" he begins.</p><p>"I wanna catch the dinner buffet," she sputters, turning around and walking off quickly. </p><p>She realizes her mistake only when she's depositing the empty paper tray into a trash can. She drops her hand limply to her side and goes to staring at the floor.</p><p>"We went off in the opposite direction, didn't we?" She says quietly. </p><p>"Yes." </p><p>"And you didn't say anything," she adds hollowly. Ushijima blinks.</p><p>"It didn't look like you would have heard me if I did," he deadpans. She lets out a sigh and says a silent prayer to the sky before shuffling and beginning to walk in the right direction (she hopes it is. And it is, because Ushijima doesn't say anything and follows.)</p><p>It takes no time at all for them to fall into step with each other.</p><p>She keeps her head lowered, staring at Ushijima's shoes and wondering how someone could be so sure about which direction they're going in, how those legs have allowed him to experience flight even if for a few miliseconds-</p><p>A firm grip wraps around her wrist, tugging her to the side right before she's about to collide with another passerby. She stumbles shoulder-first into Ushijima's side. He doesn't budge, instead steadying her like a tree.</p><p>She whispers a small <em>'sorry', </em>ducking her head briefly as they continue walking, finally focusing on the way before them. </p><p>Ushijima's hold around her wrist doesn't disappear. </p><p>Instead, as they continue down the street, it loosens for a moment, traveling down, his rough, warm skin sliding against hers before wrapping around her hand. She responds in perfect harmony, slotting her palm against his, entwining fingers. </p><p>Like it's the most natural thing in the world. </p><p>They don't look at each other, no stolen glances, just looking straight ahead, skin tingling.</p><p>She wants this to last forever.</p><p> </p><p>❁</p><p> </p><p>"Good luck for tomorrow. In case we don't see each other in the morning," she says later, when they've arrived outside her room. Ushijima hums. And it's so quiet around them she thinks the low sound could echo down the hall.</p><p>They're standing close, with him leaning against her door frame, partially blocking the card slot, his grip that much more tense than it had been before, as if he doesn't want to let her go. </p><p>She looks up at him, swallowing. His gaze is unwavering. Something flickers in it, something that mirrors hers. And it's not her imagination that they're tilting towards each other ever so slightly-</p><p>A door bursts open at the other end of the hall and the moment shatters like glass falling to the floor as noisy laughter fills the space.</p><p>She blinks, eyes flitting down to the carpeted floor. </p><p>"You'll do well, like you always do," she says quietly. A strange tension fills the air. "You should go now," she whispers, lips tugging into a small smile, barely meeting his gaze once more.</p><p>Ushijima nods and gives her hand a soft squeeze before letting go.</p><p> </p><p>❁</p><p> </p><p>Shiratorizawa is eliminated from the quarterfinals, losing to Itachiyama in full sets. </p><p>Ushijima is the epitome of professionalism as he shakes hands with the opposing ace with a sort of familiarity before they go line up to thank the supporters. </p><p>Tears prickle the corners of her eyes as they rise after bowing, the audience shouting encouragement. </p><p>Somehow, he finds her in the crowd. It's easy, she thinks, she's right by the railings, and manages a smile for him. He gives a miniscule nod, features softening before turning away.</p><p> </p><p>"We'll be back in spring," Ushijima tells her later, a stony determination set in every inch of his being, glowing like a steady fire. She nods firmly. </p><p>"I know."</p><p> </p><p>❁</p><p> </p><p>The heat is sweltering. Unbelievably so. </p><p>Chiya feels beads of sweat trickling down her back, stealing a gulp of orange juice as she heads towards the bathroom with a jugful. Sliding the door open with her leg, she enters, the hot wind from outside blasting in with her. </p><p>Ushijima looks up at her, expression flat, from his spot in the bathtub, legs folded up as he leans back, knees peeking out from the ice-filled water. </p><p>"How much longer?" She huffs, pouring him a glass and handing it to him, taking a seat at the edge of the tub.</p><p>"Two minutes," he replies monotonously. Chiya gives a thoughtful hum, leaning back on her hands. </p><p>"Wanna grab some ice cream after?" She offers nonchalantly. He gives a grunt of ascent. A moment passes. Chiya is the first to break the silence.</p><p>"Say, Wakatoshi, is it a bad thing I'm not upset about it?" She wonders aloud, leaning further back, head thrown back, eyes on the ceiling.</p><p>The cheer team had placed third in the prefectural competition two days before. Chiya had retired quietly right after, no tearful farewell, no passing on any kind of legacy or whatever. Just a tired bow of thanks, a forced smile and a long walk home feeling rather empty. </p><p>Ushijima takes a while to answer. Then, "No. You did what you could." Chiya gives a noncommittal scoff, lips twitching at the corner.</p><p>"You not going to give me any lecture about passion or anything like that?" She muses, already knowing his response. The giant in her bathtub furrows his eyebrows. </p><p>"I don't think I have any right to do that," he says. She hums again, <em>is that so..</em>. </p><p>Then, her axis begins to tilt as she loses her grip on the lip of the tub, falling backwards with a yelp of surprise. She crashes into the icy water, flailing pathetically, ice cubes falling out onto the bathroom floor.  </p><p>A sharp tingle runs up her spine, the sudden drop in temperature jolting her, eyes fluttering open. Above her, she makes out the shimmering image of Ushijima leaning over her curiously. Letting out a garbled cry, she pulls her upper body up, rising from the depths, gasping for air. </p><p>"I don't know how you can last that long in there," she says, standing up, dripping wet. Ushijima stares at her for a moment as she bumbles about, searching for an extra towel. He gets up soon after, the timer on his phone alerting him from the counter top.</p><p>He waits patiently for her on the veranda, savouring a slice of watermelon, looking out to the Hasegawa fields. </p><p>"Let's go," comes Chiya's voice somewhere behind him. He turns to her and finds her all ready to get going to Sendai City, sporting a cropped floral blouse, light denim shorts and a giant straw hat he figures she'd nicked from one of the farm help. </p><p>"Yeah," he says, and lets her pull him along.</p><p> </p><p>It's late in the afternoon when they arrive back at their stop.</p><p>Chiya walks ahead in the opposite direction of their usual route back. Ushijima follows, no questions asked, because he senses this time, she's taking a wrong turn on purpose. </p><p>They walk for a while with Chiya three steps ahead of him, plowing on with a mission in mind from the looks of it. Ushijima lets her, hanging back and trailing along with a hand in the pocket of his jeans, absently trying to figure out where they're headed.</p><p>The sky is a vibrant gold now, tinges of orange lining the horizon. They've been walking straight on all this time, following the quiet off road, passing through the less familiar parts of their neighbourhood. Soon, the rows of houses give way to grassy fields and vegetable farms. </p><p>He watches Chiya from behind, watches how the sun outlines her figure with glowing gold, like embers of a fire, her hair tinted a muted blood orange under the natural light, strands of it flurrying about as a breeze passes them by.</p><p>She comes to a stop then, and turns to walk towards him, stopping about a foot away and raises her head to look up to him, expression determined. They maintain eye contact for a long moment, olive green on caramel brown. She doesn't say anything - instead, slowly reaches out and takes hold of his hand, fitting her fingers between his and swiftly turning away again, tugging him along gently. </p><p>She leads him off the main road and onto a faint dirt path turning into one of the fields. His eyes never leave the sight of their hands clasped together. That is, until they slow to a stop as the path disappears into-</p><p>A field of sunflowers opens up before them, as far as the eye can see, the horizon and the giant flowers melding into one. And for the first time today, Chiya looks up at him with a smile. For a moment, the sun and the flowers are all but forgotten.</p><p>She begins walking backwards into the wall of flowers, eyes never leaving him. For every step back she takes, Ushijima moves a step forward. They move in quiet tandem, just the sound of birds singing and grass crunching under their feet.</p><p>Suddenly, her eyes go wide and her lips part to let out a cry of surprise as she feels her leg get caught in something and begins falling backwards, yanking him down along. </p><p>Athletic instinct kicks in and Ushijima manages to land on his arms and knees without crushing Chiya beneath him. She's pinned down under him instead, eyes wide, chest heaving. </p><p>Then, she breaks out into a grin, bringing a hand out to brush his hair back. The slight contact of her fingers on his forehead makes his skin burn. His gaze is intense on hers as he tries his best to stay still, wondering what she will do next.</p><p>"You've finally fallen for me," she says softly, her voice tinged with wistfulness.</p><p>With that, Ushijima lets out a sigh, lips curved into the smallest of smiles, eyes closed. Under him, Chiya bursts into giggles which soon turn into full blown laughter. She reaches out and grabs the collar of his shirt.</p><p>They lay on the ground, watching the sky as it turns from orange to red to magenta and to purple.</p><p>"Happy Birthday, Wakatoshi," Chiya says somewhere in between, turning her head to look at him. He does the same, drinking in the sight of her messy hair and gleaming eyes, her skin tinged pink under the sky.</p><p>He's never been so at peace.</p><p> </p><p>❁</p><p> </p><p>New Year's has always been like this.</p><p>Her hands are folded neatly upon her lap, legs tucked under her bottom, kimono immaculately ironed. This year, she's in purple, a shade of lilac she had specifically requested to commemorate the coming final term of high school. A garb she will look upon fondly for many years to come, reminding her of her youth.</p><p>Opposite her, Ushijima is dressed in one of deep maroon with golden rice stalk prints, sitting in a similar fashion. His expression is almost solemn. She tries not to laugh when their gazes connect. He looks like some warlord.</p><p>Placing her palms flat against the tatami mat, she bends into a low, respectful bow.</p><p>"Happy new year," she greets in an even, formal tone. "May this year be even better than the last."</p><p>Ushijima mimics her, palms down, head low. "Happy new year."</p><p>They rise at the same time, holding each other's gazes. She is the first one to break away from it, turning to take hold of the package wrapped in purple silk sitting beside her.</p><p>"My father sends this bottle of sake. I hope you will accept it."</p><p>Ushijima nods. "Many thanks. We accept."</p><p>With that, she relaxes, easing herself off of her stiff legs into a much more casual position, head tilted back, leaning on her arms. Her eyes scan the Ushijima household's living room - a large, modern space with light-coloured wood panels and skylights. Huge pieces of art fill the walls.</p><p>It's a stark contrast to her own more traditional Japanese home. But it doesn't feel any less cozy than it did when they used to hang out here as kids. </p><p>"I'm hungry."</p><p>"Me too."</p><p>A beat. "Say, do wanna maybe drink the sake-"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Just a little-"</p><p>"No."</p><p> </p><p>It's a strange New Year's eve this year what with both their families out of town for business reasons, inevitably leaving the two of them alone. She steals a glance at Ushijima, watches him lock the front door with a single swipe of his thumb.  It's a strange sight, to say the least- a hulking star athlete in traditional clothing emerging out of a huge, angular white house.</p><p>They walk through town in relative quiet, stopping along the way for snacks. <em>You're not serious, </em>she chides him when he refuses a candied apple, and proceeds to gobble the whole thing up by herself.</p><p>The shrine is crowded but thankfully, not suffocatingly so. They make their way to the main courtyard and stop by the chozuya. The water is, unsurprisingly, ice-cold. Chiya bites down a yelp as they clean their hands and mouths.</p><p>Suddenly, Ushijima's hands are wrapping round hers. Her head snaps up to stare at him curiously. He looks away, instead gently tugging her along towards the main shrine. He gives her soft squeezes, rhythmic ones. As they slow to a stop at the prayer altar, she belatedly realizes that her hands aren't shaking anymore.</p><p>There isn't any time to linger on it as the noise of the crowd around them filters in. She tosses a 5 yen coin into the box and rings the bell. Beside her, Ushijima does the same. As she pays her respects, palms pressed together, she prays for good health and patience and ease in navigating through the slow burn that is her life. She hopes the gods are listening.</p><p>"What a coincidence!" A sly smirk, a shock of red and a flash of annoyance on Chiya's part. Tendou greets them with a wiggle of his fingers. He's dressed in a navy blue temple haori, leaning over the shoulder of a particularly frazzled temple maiden.</p><p>"Was hoping to catch you two here," he says cheekily. Chiya turns her nose up with distaste. "You just ruined it for us," she harrumphs. Their schoolmate guffaws. "Cold!"</p><p>"Wanna draw a fortune?" He offers, holding out a wooden box. Begrudgingly, she shakes on it, praying, before pulling out a stick.</p><p>"Seven," she says, handing it over.</p><p><em>Small blessing,</em> are the words written on the flimsy piece of paper. Tendou doubles over in laughter. "Better than nothing!"</p><p>Ushijima goes next, pulling one out without hesitation.</p><p><em>Curse. </em>Chiya's expression morphs into one of horror while Tendou chokes on his own spit.</p><p>"Honestly, sucks for you, but I personally don't know how to feel about that," Tendou muses. They know what he means.</p><p>"It won't affect anything," Ushijima says flatly, pocketing the fortune. "We're strong."</p><p>The middle blocker lets out an airy laugh. "That's our captain, alright. Well, that's it from me! Have fun, you two!"</p><p> </p><p>They find themselves at the top of Heartbreak Hill some time later. There are a few other visitors loitering about them, waiting for the countdown, but it's mostly quiet. She steals a glance at Ushijima as they sit on a bench. Their hands had found each other a while back, as they hung back by the shrine, reading other people's ema. </p><p>"Ah, I like this one, <em>'success'</em>. Short and sweet, don't you think?" She'd said, turning to him a smile. He nodded, his features softening. </p><p>She'd continued to read a few out, commenting here and there, when Ushijima's fingers slotted themselves between hers. She barely noticed it. They hadn't let go of each other since then.</p><p>"What a year," she says now, voice tinted wistfully. Ushijima hums beside her. He checks his watch. Two minutes more.</p><p>"Hey Wakatoshi, we won't be seeing each other much after school right?" She asks, a little sad. He doesn't turn to her, his gaze on the horizon, on the waning moon. </p><p>"I guess. I've already accepted the offer," he says. She nods, her heart sinking. The call from the Schweiden Adlers had come in the previous week. It was no surprise. If there was anything she resented him for, even just a little, was his one-track mind. But she didn't hate him for it, didn't hate him for loving volley more than anything else in the world.</p><p>After a lot of inner debate during Christmas, she'd come to the conclusion that she didn't mind being second, if that was even what she was.</p><p class="">"Chiya." His baritone shatters her train of thought. She turns to him, slightly startled, eyes going wide. <em>Thirty seconds.</em></p><p>"I'll do my best."</p><p>She smiles, her eyes crinkling. "I know you will. You always do."</p><p>
  <em>Twenty.</em>
</p><p>"With volleyball... with you."</p><p>Again, he manages to surprise her. She opens and closes her mouth, unable to find anything to respond to that. </p><p><em>Ten</em>.</p><p>He searches her eyes, staring at her intently, awaiting a response. She gulps.</p><p>"I'll wait. As long as it takes," she says, nodding to him, to herself, cementing it in her heart. </p><p><em>One</em>.</p><p>The sky erupts.</p><p>In unison, they turn their attention to the fireworks. They watch in silence as splashes of colour fill the canvas that is the night sky. Slowly, oh so slowly, she leans into him, her head against his shoulder. And she feels him relax, his hold around her hand tightening, his thumb rubbing absently against her knuckles.</p><p> </p><p>❁</p><p> </p><p>They're back to this again. </p><p><em>It's been a while</em>, she thinks, smiling to herself, leaning low, biting her lip in concentration. The cool late summer wind whistles in her ear. She lets out a cry of joy which soon devolves into hearty laughter, straightening her legs off the pedals, letting momentum propel her forward. </p><p>Ushijima's about a dozen strides behind her, keeping faithfully to his own pace. That is, until they reach Heartbreak Hill. She skids to a stop at the foot of the hill for a breather. She grits her teeth, glaring up at the steep, winding road. With a huff, she begins pedaling. </p><p>It doesn't take long for the ace to catch up to her, easily surpassing her without a second glance. She growls and gives up, hopping off the bicycle before proceeding to go by foot instead, trying her best to keep up with him, alas to no avail. </p><p>Ten minutes later, she finally spots the small path deviating from the main road that leads to a bench tucked away behind some bushes. She finds Ushijima waiting for her, standing with his hands resting on the wooden backrest as he stares out at the town, still enveloped in thick morning mist.</p><p>Sighing heavily, she leans her bicycle against a nearby tree, collecting a couple matching cloth-wrapped bento boxes from the basket and heads over to him. She gives him a soft nudge on the shoulder, snapping him out of his borderline brooding daze. </p><p>As they unwrap their breakfast resting on their laps, Ushijima catches sight of a transparent plaster wrapped around her pinky. She is careful to lift it slightly from applying any force on it, an obvious indication of a deep cut.</p><p>"It's fine, I'm not the one playing in a tournament final tomorrow," she says after he gives her a questioning look. "It's the least I could do for you," she adds softly, lifting the lid off her container with a wry smile. </p><p>They eat in silence, finishing quickly. The sky is beginning to lighten; purple seeping into the eery gray of the misty blanket. A soft breeze washes over them. She leans into him ever so slightly, bento aside, their shoulders brushing. She feels his muscles stiffen up for a split second before all the tension seeps out as he meets her halfway.</p><p>"Thank you for the meal," he says, voice low, like the rumble of a distant thunderstorm passing by. The sun's coming up now. The clouds are tinged pink and a muted orange. They sit there for a while, watching as the mist dissolves into the air, and the town below them is greeted by the first rays of light of the day. </p><p>They walk to school from there, with Ushijima gently taking the bicycle out of her hold and pulling it along himself. She steals glances at him then goes to watching their steps sync up with each other. Left leg forward, right leg forward, left, right...</p><p>She realizes then, that Ushijima is right beside her, right now, in this very moment. Where he always has been. She smiles to herself, keeping her head ducked, so he won't see, kicking at the tar and the little stray pebbles. <em>How selfish of me,</em> she thinks, and it finally dawns on her then that he's been waiting all these years as well. </p><p>They arrive at the bicycle stands too soon. </p><p>"I'm heading home early today. You don't have to walk with me," she says, when they're about to part ways. He is hesitant- she can see it as she takes a tentative step away from him- the way his lips tighten and his fingers twitch.</p><p>"I'll text you," she says reassuringly, grinning. He nods begrudgingly before holding a hand up as goodbye.<br/><br/></p><p>
  <b>&lt;just got home</b>
  <br/>
  <b>&lt;tell the others i said good luck in advance for tomorrow</b>
</p><p>
  <b>&gt;okay</b>
</p><p>
  <b>&lt;good luck wakatoshi</b>
  <br/>
  <b>&lt;and good night</b>
</p><p>
  <b>&gt;thank you</b>
  <br/>
  <b>&gt;good night</b>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>❁</p><p> </p><p>Sendai City Gymnasium is -unsurprisingly- packed the next day. </p><p>She manages to squeeze into the alumni section, beside the student cheering squad, seating herself among ex-volleyball club members and parents. The teams have just finished their warm up and are now huddled at their respective benches for a final briefing.</p><p>The whistle for the greeting line up is blown and they take their places at either side of the court, their voices ringing out around the space, calling for a good game. </p><p>There is an unnerving silence that follows as the players get into position and the entire gym seems to hold their breath as the whistle blows for the starting serve. </p><p>It goes over and is received well by that loud first year, right into the waiting palms of the quiet second year server, who converts it into a high arc, beautiful in its simplicity.</p><p>Ushijima strides forward, arms extended behind him, bending his knees, ready for takeoff. He soars, arm reeling back for the spike in a single, fluid motion. </p><p>She feels her throat clench up then, as she's choked with emotion, fingernails digging into her knees holding her breath as the ball connects. Time seems to slow then, and in her mind flickers a memory, like an old film whirring to life in an old-timey theater.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It's the fall of two years ago. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>She'd snuck out of practice for the second time that week, and runs for cover beside the vending machine by the neighbouring gym. As her can of apple juice falls to the gutter, she hears the familiar slamming of volleyballs against the floor, down the corridor. Taking a quick glance around, she nimbly tiptoes to a window and crouches so it's just enough for her to spy on them. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Inside, she sees them practicing three-on-three. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ushijima's on one side with a couple of seniors. They rally for a while and she thinks it's never going to end until finally, the ball goes up just right and the other side's a little more exhausted. The new ace's spike blasts through the incomplete wall. They still lose, though, according to the score board. She suppresses a giggle as they drop to the ground and begin punishment push-ups, Coach Washijo chewing them out all the while.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A hand claps on her shoulder. Chiya lets out a yelp and swivels round to find a senior glowering at her. She lets out a sheepish grin. Then gets five sets of planks.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The scene shifts, the film clicking on as it is replaced with a new roll. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>They are in the winter of the previous year.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"How'd Youth Camp go?" She asks, picking that month's Volleyball Monthly mag out of his hands and flopping onto the couch with a huff. </em>
</p><p><em>He's on the front page again, at the center of a picture of the elite group, holding up the country's flag with one hand and flashing a peace sign with another, seemingly glaring right into the lens of the camera. </em>Smile more, dummy.</p><p>
  <em>"It was fine," he says stiffly, flipping through the channels on the television. She hums, skimming through the ten-page coverage of 'Team Japan's Bright Hopefuls'. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Was the food alright?" She asks absently, zeroing in on an article about dieting. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Could be better."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The conversation lulls to a quiet for a bit after that as she reads and takes notes on nutrition while Ushijima finally settles on a rerun of the previous week's episode of Naruto. When she's finally done, she throws the issue aside and jumps up excitedly, phone at hand, the opening beats of an electronic dance number on its way. She slips the TV controller out of Ushijima's hand, muting the show behind her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"This is part of the new routine-" she starts before catching up with the beat and begins dancing. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her moves are sharp even when she's fooling around - every step is on beat, confident. She even shouts out the cheer, throwing in a wink and a finger heart, ending with an exaggerated flourish, waving around at the one-man audience with a megawatt smile before collapsing onto the floor dramatically. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Ushijima claps belatedly, pokerfaced. She sits up and sighs at his lack of enthusiasm. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'll come cheer for Team Japan before every game when I get into the All Star team in college, how's that sound?" She declares, wiggling her eyebrows with a catty grin. Ushijima's features soften.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'll be looking forward to it." </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The film comes to an end and pauses for a while, the screen going back to black. Sound filters into her mind. She hears someone crying out, <em>Shiiiratorizawa! Ushijima! Ushijima! </em>before realizing it's her own voice. She's on her feet now, the fifth set reaching its climax.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>The lights in the Tokyo Metropolitan Gym are unnecessarily bright, almost blinding, she thinks, trying her best to focus on cheering. </em>
</p><p><em>It is the semi-finals of the Spring Tournament, middle school, first year, </em> <em>nearing the end of the first set. Shiratorizawa is stuck in a deuce. </em></p><p>It's not a game they win, she laments, but it doesn't even matter to her all that much anymore, now that she's looking back on it. </p><p>What she remembers is something that's etched into her mind for a long time-</p><p>
  <em>Ushijima is flying. He's the youngest starter on the team that year, but there he is, rising high, so high above everyone else on that court. She thinks she sees wings slowly sprouting from the space between his shoulder blades as he pulls his arm back. She blinks, hard. There are stars in her eyes and the wings are gone. Instead, it's just his back, shining bright, the white of his jersey brighter than any of the lights in the stadium.</em>
</p><p>Why is she remembering this now? </p><p>Ushijima is flying. He's a senior now, graduating high school in a few months, a captain, an ace, and there he is, rising high, so high above everyone else on that court. She sees the wings attached to the space between his shoulder blades as he pulls his arm back. But she doesn't blink this time. The wings open, with the sound of a flutter of feathers, and he's flying higher than he ever has before. The ball connects with his palm. Time stops for a split second. It's just his back now, shining bright, the white of his jersey brighter than any of the lights in the gym.</p><p>The ball drops to the floor with a dull thud that's louder than anything she's ever heard in her life. The space is stunned to silence in a moment of frazzled tension. The final whistle blows. The match ends.</p><p> </p><p>❁</p><p> </p><p>She waits outside after the match, caught up in solemn conversation with a couple other classmates who'd come to watch as well. She's well aware of how red her eyes are. Everyone else seems exhausted too. </p><p>"Catch ya at school, then?" Aoi says hopefully, her voice hoarse. Chiya gives a small, tired smile.</p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>A beat.</p><p>"Ah-" Aoi waves at something behind her. </p><p>Belatedly, she turns to find the team shuffling out from the building with a somber air about them. Most of them look worse for wear, sporting even redder eyes than the rest of them, lips set in straight, thin lines. Semi passes them, an arm around their only first year starter, flashing them a tired smile before it soon dissolves into a frown. Aoi tags along with the puffy-eyed second-year members, waving Chiya off, before focusing what's left of her positive energy towards them. </p><p>Tendou and Reon appear, nodding in acknowledgement as she manages a meek <em>'good game' </em>and a weak smile. </p><p>"Finally," the redhead says when they're halfway across the car park, sighing in relief. Reon smiles knowingly beside him. At least something to be happy about today,</p><p>Ushijima and Chiya hang back, taking their time, standing with their shoulders brushing.</p><p>He's calm and collected, just as she thought he would be. </p><p>His expression is tranquil as he looks out to the late afternoon sky, beyond the wide gray of the parking lot. The corners of his eyes droop ever so slightly, suggesting the first hints of fatigue.</p><p>She takes his hand in hers. He doesn't give a start, doesn't stiffen, just lets her. </p><p>"You did well, Wakatoshi," she says, giving him a soft, reassuring squeeze. He doesn't make any move to respond, though she doesn't miss the way his shoulders fall, relaxing.</p><p>What seems like an eternity later, "You should go. Your team's waiting for you."</p><p>Pause.</p><p>His fingers tighten around hers as he turns to face her for the first time, olive eyes warm as his hands, still burning. </p><p>"I'll win the next time," he says, voice low, chillingly resolute, his fire rekindling. She wants to feel this warmth forever. </p><p>She gives him a bright smile, the kind that crinkles her eyes at the corner, pressing into dimples, and nods firmly.</p><p>"I'll be there watching."<br/><br/></p><p>❁</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>&gt;i'm outside</b>
</p><p> </p><p>She's running, heart in her throat, pounding. Her footsteps are noisy, causing a ruckus as she sprints down the wooden stairs, resounding down the long corridors of her home. Her maids appear from the kitchen, aghast.</p><p>"Chiya-chan!" One calls out frantically, attempting to chase her down, worried that the young mistress has finally gone insane. The front sliding doors are thrown open, and suddenly an eery quiet spreads throughout the house. </p><p>The helper's qualms are forgotten however, as she skids to a stop behind a wall, peeking out. The other two; the cook and the second maid, press up against her, watching the scene unfold.</p><p>The young mistress stands, chest heaving, messy hair in a flurry, frozen, fingers gripping the edge of the wooden panel of the door. The Ushijima boy stands out front, breathing heavily as well, as if he'd run the whole way from school (they know very well; that's exactly what he'd done). He's dressed in sweatpants and a ratty Academy sweater, a duffel bag hanging off his shoulders. </p><p>The three women shuffle away to the safety of the back room, smiling fondly among themselves. <em>Best to leave them be. </em></p><p> </p><p>They stare at each other for a long time, nothing but the sound of breathing and the crickets out in the garden filling the empty space between them. </p><p>She takes a cautious step forward, swallowing. Another. The early spring breeze greets her like an old friend. Another. Her hands twitch. Another-</p><p>She's an arm's width away from him, slowing to a stop. Ushijima meets her halfway, taking a step forward. He pauses as well, inches away from her, looking down into her eyes, searching. </p><p>It's all there. Everything he'd been hoping for and more. She's looking at him, eyes sad yet determined to be the stronger of the two of them. She sees the turmoil in his eyes; sees the solemn defeat he refuses to show, sees his resolve, feels the burden on his shoulders crumbling.</p><p>With a sigh, he allows his body to wilt, allows himself to let the complete, utter fatigue set in, resting his forehead on her shoulder.</p><p>"I'm tired," he says quietly, lips moving against the crook of her neck, breathing evening out, steady. She knows what it means; that he even admitted to something like that is a testament to how exhausted he is.</p><p>Her eyes flutter close as she lets him stay like that for a while, her hands slowly wrapping round his torso, fists bunching up the fabric of his sweater. The breeze picks up around them, the rustling of fallen leaves melding in with the sounds of his breathing against her collarbone.</p><p>"I know."</p><p> </p><p>She leaves the lights off in her room; the glow of the moon is now the only thing illuminating their surroundings. It's enough.</p><p>He falls in a heap onto her bed, resting his head on her lap, eyes closed, content as she cards her fingers through his hair. It is soft, sending tingles up her skin. She brushes the teeth of his hair with her thumb before letting it ghost over his brow bone, the bridge of his nose, the dip of his lips-</p><p>His own finger finds the side of her cheek, and begins tracing the curve of her eye- lashes tickling the pad of his forefinger before travelling down the curve of her jaw to her chin. Then, his eyes fly open and he sits up slowly, taking care not to disrupt the moment. He turns to lean in close to her, putting his weight on one arm. The mattress dips beneath him, lowering him slightly to her eye level. </p><p>She's smiling at him through hooded eyes, skin luminous under the off-white of the moon hanging high above them, its light reflected through her open window. </p><p>Her hand comes up to cup the side of his face. Her thumb strokes his cheek and he leans into her touch, letting out a breath.</p><p>She studies every dip and contour of his face, drinking in his peaceful expression, relearning everything about him as if she didn't already know every little detail. He does the same, paying closer attention to all the tiny things he'd missed out along the way. </p><p>"Nine years is a long time, Wakatoshi," she says breathlessly, tone melancholic and filled with longing.</p><p>"I'm sorry," he responds, his voice a comforting rumble through the darkness. She shakes her head, lips curving into a small, solemn smile.</p><p>"I wasn't the only one." There's a hidden apology behind it. But there's also the acceptance. </p><p>She knows what he knows, what the both of them have been hiding all this while, letting it sink into the back of their minds because there were other, more important things in their lives back then.</p><p>And now, on this late summer night, it's revealed itself to the both of them.</p><p>He takes hold of her hand then, his calloused fingers gently cradling hers as he presses soft, fleeting kisses to her knuckles. He slowly pulls her closer, hand wrapping around her wrist, tugging her to him.</p><p>As she looks at him, she sees all the doubt melting away, all the hesitant flickers in his eyes disappearing, replaced by a newfound resolve, a wholehearted determination to make this work, to let her in. She, in turn, is an open book; relief and happiness swirling in her mellow brown orbs.</p><p>They fall into each other, axis tilting, like autumn into winter and winter to spring and then summer. Their lips find each other, like the first two humans cast to the earth, meeting after eons apart. </p><p>She melts into the kiss, letting out a sigh as her hands run up his chest to interlock behind his neck, pulling him impossibly close. She can feel his heartbeat against hers. It's a tender, dreamy moment; everything she could ever hope for and more (so much more).</p><p>Ushijima touches his forehead to hers, the heat of his skin overcoming her senses, cups both sides of her face. She smiles at the gesture, because finally, <em>finally-</em></p><p>"These words are for you, Wakatoshi.<em>'</em></p><p>
  <em>I love you'."</em>
</p><p>He tilts his head upwards. His lips move against her temple, murmuring the same three syllables back, sincere, a promise.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>-the new year's segment was written with help from the new year's episode in hyouka<br/>-a chozuya is a little well outside a shrine where visitors cleanse themselves before praying<br/>-there's also a belief that throwing in a 5 yen coin is a prayer for good relationships<br/>-ema are those little wooden blocks where people write their wishes and hang it after visiting a shrine</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. after the rain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>epilogue</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>They both learn rather quickly that love isn't a one way street.</p><p>Much like the alleys in Tokyo, one is bound to stray away from the main road and get lost sometimes. Especially given that the city can be a little too much at times.</p><p>Chiya had spent the better part of her first term in college trying to figure her way around the campus located in the heart of the city. The noise and movement around her is dizzying; she's found herself standing in the middle of the crowded street in a daze more than once, trying to collect herself, trying to picture home with its rolling hills and expansive greenery.</p><p>A familiar hand's always reaching out to her though, pulling her out of her thoughts before she drowns. She calms in its warm, firm hold and always, always looks up to find a reassuring smile aimed towards her. <em>Okay? </em></p><p>Ushijima's come out of his shell a fair bit since they'd left Miyagi. Their small town had probably stifled him more than anyone had noticed (even her). </p><p>Now that they're here in this bustling metropolis, he's a lot more relaxed- she would even go as far as to say he's enjoying himself, in his own, quiet way. She'd been surprised at the ease in which he navigated himself around the city when they first arrived.</p><p>He tells her he's always been going out with the guys from the national team whenever they'd had their bi-monthly weekend meets. However, he admits most of it had been without the coaches' permission with an embarrassed flush. She smiles to herself in amusement at the thought of a group of freakishly tall, starry eyed teenagers on the loose in the middle of the night in sweatpants and jerseys.</p><p>On the flip side, it hadn't been easy for her. She very much preferred waking up to the chirping of birds and the smell of morning dew, the mist parting for the first sun as opposed to her roommate's irritating alarm clock and the obnoxiously cold, half-empty lecture room waiting for her across the campus.</p><p>But Ushijima had held her hand (literally) through most of it, bringing her to little hidden cafes on their days off and convincing her to ride the Space Mountain at Disneyland. However, such outings were far and few in between.</p><p>Life as the partner of a professional athlete was never going to be something easy, she knew that much, but still... She would be lucky if she had him even twice a week. Now that it was coming up on his second year with the Adlers, he was joining more matches as a starter than ever before, meaning weekends were untouchable and the other five days were filled with whatever other duties; training, recuperation and some PR stuff.</p><p>Not to mention his apartment's an hour-long train ride away from her dorm, temporarily shared with two other dwellers.</p><p>"Can I sleep here tonight?" She asks, voice muffled into his rib cage. Her leg is slung across his torso and arm across his chest tightens, willing him to say yes. He ignores the urge to throw aside his novel and hug her back, instead turning absently to the next page. </p><p>"Mika's boyfriend is over and I don't think I want to be walking in on them-" she lets out a gagging noise, shaking her head, nuzzling into his side. </p><p>"I've got practice in the morning-" he begins without much conviction. She whines in protest, hugging him tighter. He strains to breathe. The girl's half his size but has the strength of a farmer. He didn't think that kind of thing was hereditary. </p><p>Ushijima pauses for a moment before letting out a relenting sigh, setting his book down with a dull thud on the other side of the bed. He shifts on his side, her grip on him loosening, propping his head up on his arm. She looks up at him, frowning, annoyed at the shift in position.</p><p>There's a little staring competition that starts, neither of them willing to admit defeat. The sight of her, with her nose scrunched up, trying her hardest however, is enough to distract him. He blinks. </p><p>"Hah!" She exclaims in excitement, poking his nose gently. He lets out a displeased grunt before falling on his face, flattening her under him. She groans, attempting to push him off half-heartedly. </p><p>He shifts again, resting his head on her chest, his arm hooking around her waist, locking her legs down with his own. She breathes a sound of defeat and soon goes to playing with the little hairs at the base of his head.</p><p>"I'll go home after dinner," she says nonchalantly, deciding not to burden him. His hold around her tightens as he buries his face into the soft fabric of her shirt, hungry for more of her warmth.</p><p>"Stay," he says, his baritone sending vibrations throughout their bodies. </p><p>"Hm? It's fine, maybe tomorrow night-"</p><p>"After I kick them out, stay," he continues, nuzzling her collarbone. She tenses up for a bit, a million things running through her mind; the rent, the moving, waking up extra early for the train...</p><p>"You sure?"</p><p>He hums in the affirmative. That's all she needs. It'll be worth it.</p><p>"Okay." They'll figure it out.</p><p>She leans down, capturing his lips with hers, her fingers tangling in his hair, his fingers splayed out against the exposed skin of her stomach-</p><p>"Have you seen my knee guards-" Hoshiumi waltzes in, holding up various pieces of clothing that <em>aren't</em> his knee guards. He freezes on the spot when he sees the two of them, turning bright red.</p><p>"You left them in the bathroom again," comes Kageyama's relaxed tone, as he comes to a stop beside his temporary roommate. It takes a moment before he sighs upon realizing the situation. The shorter hooks an arm around the younger's neck, dragging him away, closing the door behind them, the both of them muttering their apologies.</p><p> </p><p>❁</p><p> </p><p>It started off well enough.</p><p>She got him to herself almost every night. They'd talk about their days over dinner sometimes. Most times, she didn't even hear him enter through the front door until his lips were ghosting the shell of her ear, muttering a greeting. She'd tear herself away from her assignment for a few minutes, throwing him a smile and giving him a peck.</p><p>Then, he'd disappear into the shower and fall asleep as soon as he changes into his pyjamas. She'd be up until dawn, crawling into bed with him, catching an hour or two in his arms before his alarm rang and he'd get ready to start his day.</p><p>Sometimes, he'd drop by her campus and they'd have lunch together. Passersby would gawk and whisper, the waitress would bat her eyelashes and her classmates would bug her about him for a bit. Most times, she'd just watch him eat, picking at her salad and hoping the weighing scale doesn't betray her during the next round of tryouts.</p><p>She never makes it onto the All Star team and quickly gives up on cheer leading altogether in her fourth semester.</p><p>On his days off, they spend as much time together as they possibly can. She finds herself skipping classes even, to just stay at home with him. It's these days where she falls in love again and again.</p><p>They curl up together on the couch a lot, her head on his stomach as she fiddles with her laptop, tapping away at her papers. But after a few minutes, she tosses it aside, giving up, and glides a hand under his shirt, a teasing smirk playing on her lips. He will grunt, shifting and pulling her to him and...</p><p> </p><p>❁</p><p> </p><p>They break up twice in the span of four years.</p><p> </p><p>The first one happens some time during the semester break of her second year.</p><p>"Ushijima-kun, I'm sorry to bother you but Chi-chan, well she's..." Aoi's voice is apologetic and pleading over the phone.</p><p>"I don't wanna!" She slurs, holding on to Semi for dear life. Their former schoolmate gives him an impish grin, shrugging. </p><p>"Fine," Ushijima bites out stiffly and makes to leave. Of course, he doesn't, and listens to her wailing for a couple of minutes, waiting just beyond the sliding doors of the private room. </p><p>"You don't love me anymore," she drawls into the crook of his neck, all snot and tears wetting the back of his shirt. The cool autumn breeze bites the nape of his neck as they trudge through the Shibuya neighbourhood. He keeps a firm grip under her bottom as she squirms in his hold.</p><p>"I do."</p><p>"No! You hate me, and that's why you don't wanna spend any time with me!" She's crying now, her breath reeking of alcohol, warm against the shell of his ear.</p><p>"I don't hate you."</p><p>"Put me down-"</p><p>"Chiya-"</p><p>"Put me down!"</p><p>He holds her hair, rubbing her back as she vomits into a nearby trash can.</p><p>"I'm breaking up with you," she says with a sniffle, lying down on the pavement. He stares at her, expression slack.</p><p>"No, you're not."</p><p>"I am!" She doesn't cry this time. Instead, she garbles something along the lines of <em>Wakatoshi, you idiot, I hate you </em>and promptly blacks out.</p><p>She's pretty no matter what, is the conclusion he comes to later that night as he watches her sleep. He sits at the edge of their shared bed, expression soft, studying the outline of her face, her mouth slightly agape, and just as he notices the tears streaming down her cheeks-</p><p>"Wakatoshi... Idiot... I miss... you..."</p><p>She doesn't let go of the waistband of his shorts, her fingers curling tighter around it as he attempts to leave to sleep on the couch. With a sigh, he relents and climbs in with her, pulling her close. He almost doesn't hear his alarm the next morning.</p><p> </p><p>The second time happens towards the end of her final semester.</p><p>She is sober this time.</p><p>"Wakatoshi, I'm tired," she says over the phone, her voice heavy and slightly muffled. Ushijima's hold around his device tightens in the slightest. He drops the roll of bandages in his other hand, his body going rigid.</p><p>"What do you mean," he says stiffly, more of a statement than a question. Chiya sighs at the other end of the line.</p><p>"I mean, I'm tired of being a burden to you."</p><p>"You're not-"</p><p>"You should find someone else. I'm not good enough for you. Took me a bit too long to realize that..."</p><p>"I'll be home soon." There's an eery silence for a long moment. All Ushijima can hear is his own ragged breathing.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Wakatoshi." And she hangs up. The dial tone rings in his ear. Once, twice-</p><p>Most of her things are gone by the time he gets back to their shared apartment. Outside, it is raining. She doesn't pick up his calls. She isn't at Aoi's, isn't at Semi's. </p><p>The train ride back home is a particularly long one. It rains the whole way. In fact, it rains so much that most public transport is out of service. No matter, he trudges on through the rain. Never mind that his brand-new sponsored shoes are sopping wet by the time he arrives at the Hasegawa estate.</p><p>It looks the same as it does every time they go back for the holidays albeit a little depressing today in particular. For various reasons.</p><p>"Ushijima-san!" Cries one of the maids in surprise. "Come in, come-"</p><p>"How did you know I was here?" Chiya's voice is steely as she rounds the corner, eyes bright with anger. The servant looks to the two of them, sighs to herself and slowly backs away.</p><p>Ushijima doesn't move. The rain continues to pour down on him. His gaze, however, never leaves Chiya's.</p><p>"Because I know you," is his simple answer, his voice rumbling through the storm like thunder. She swallows thickly.</p><p>"I can't keep up with you, I can't always be there when you need me to, I can't do anything for you-" She's crying now, her face crumpled, eyes red. She's still pretty.</p><p>"You don't have to."</p><p>"But-"</p><p>"Chiya, I just want you."</p><p> </p><p>❁</p><p> </p><p>He's waiting at the bus stop, dressed in track pants and a plain black shirt, his backpack and luggage beside him. Doesn't even notice the ancient military-model Jeep pulling up in front of him until she gives him a little honk. </p><p>"You got your licence," is the first thing he says to her when she gets down from the truck to help him out. She raises an eyebrow, <em>really?</em></p><p>"I missed you too," she says, a little less than disgruntled.</p><p>The drive back home is spent with him listening to her list off the things they need to do for the coming week; preparations for Tanabata, visiting relatives, babysitting nephews and basically a busy ten days for the both of them before Ushijima has to head back to Tokyo.</p><p>"Good work on the season, Ushijima-san," the maids greet him with deep bows and delighted smiles. His club had finished second in the league while winning the All Japan Championship in May. He is on the senior national team roster. </p><p>Meanwhile, she has been splitting time between Miyagi and Tokyo, working on her Masters in business as well as on the family company. Time together was hard to come by these days.</p><p>"Mother and father are at a town council meeting. We're having dinner with them later tonight," she explains, when they've settled into their room. Ushijima hums in response as he unpacks. </p><p>"The bath is ready," comes a muffled elderly voice from the other side of the door.</p><p> </p><p>He's always been good at this; washing her back. It's strange, but she thinks he does it really well. His strokes are methodological and gentle, nothing too rough or rushed. The first time he'd done it for her was after a particularly bad fight they'd had one winter night. </p><p>They ended up arguing again because he'd just barged in, still fully clothed. He got her to quiet down however, with one hard look, steering her towards the stool and sitting her down before beginning his little therapy. </p><p> Now, they just sit in comfortable silence, the sound of splashing water filling the air. </p><p>They get into the tub after that. She giggles as she draws on his face with soap foam, tracing his eyebrows, styling his hair into a lopsided mohawk, finishing up with a blob of white on his nose. </p><p>Suddenly, he takes her face in his hands and leans forward to kiss her. When they pull apart, she feels her cheeks covered in foam as well. Pouting, she splashes water on him playfully. He remains pokerfaced, completely unfazed before his hand shoots out, lathering her face with more.</p><p>They go at it for a while, making a mess before finally, she's lying between his legs, back resting against his chest, head tucked under his chin. She holds her hand out, spreading her fingers to the air, wiggling them. </p><p>"What do you think?" She asks nonchalantly, hoping he gets the hint. If he does, he doesn't say anything about it other than a low, thoughtful hum. </p><p>They stay in the bath until the water turns cold.</p><p>Ushijima is absolutely useless when it comes to tying obi. He knows how to do it, the basics are there, but his execution is, if anything, extremely poor. So tonight, he makes up for it by ultimately giving up and going to pepper her neck with kisses, hugging her from behind, obi be damned. She sighs, part exasperation, part pleasure.</p><p>"We'll be late for dinner," she says, straining to hide the fact that she doesn't really care if they are, especially when he licks a stripe below her ear before working on the spot with his mouth. Her breath hitches, voice failing her.</p><p>"Just a little-" he murmurs against her skin, hands on her hips, spinning her around to face him. She lets go of herself, all the weeks of missing him catching up to her then, and meets him in a heated kiss, tongue and all.</p><p>His hands wander; cupping her face, then travelling down to support the back of her neck and further down, pushing the linen fabric off her shoulders, exposing her skin, rubbing circles into the joint between her chest and arm. He breaks the kiss and dips his head low to press sloppily down her neck, to her chest, licking between her-</p><p>"Dinner is ready, Chiya-" The door opens. They both freeze as the youngest maid stands shell-shocked, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.</p><p>"Excuse me," she squeaks and shuts the door quickly, scurrying away as fast as she can.</p><p>"We should probably go," she says, readjusting the collar of her yukata. Ushijima helps her by hurriedly tying the obi, despite how the results would turn out. </p><p>The dining table is laid out with about a dozen dishes, steaming bowls of rice all set. Her parents are already sitting, waiting for them. The couple takes their seats with embarrassed apologies for their tardiness.</p><p>Mr. and Mrs. Hasegawa don't say anything about the unruly state of their attire, their ruffled hair and their flushed faces as they begin to eat.</p><p> </p><p>Ushijima proposes at the end of the week, just as the fireworks are about to start. It's easy, because she just nods an <em>'okay'</em> with a relieved smile, and they watch the colours bloom across the night sky.</p><p> </p><p>❁</p><p> </p><p>A red umbrella.</p><p>A robe of pure white.</p><p>Painted lips. </p><p>Wood clacking against the road. </p><p>An autumn breeze.</p><p>A shower of golden leaves.<br/><br/></p><p>The procession leads down from the Hasegawa estate up to the family shrine by the foot of the mountain range, lasting about half an hour. </p><p>It passes by in a blur. </p><p>All she can remember is the harmony of flutes that had accompanied them the whole way, the rhythmic chiming of bells. Then, her fingers brushing against Ushijima's each time they exchange sake cups, watching Ushijima read his vows with his calm and sure baritone, his gaze never wavering followed by their families joining in the drinking of the rice wine and cheers. She remembers the exchange of rings after, towards the end- Ushijima's hand enclosing hers, warm and familiar and everything she's ever wanted.</p><p>The short reprieve as they journey back to the family compound by black checker cab is one memory that she will hold close to her heart for a long time. </p><p>The euphoria that had overcome them as the vehicle began its slow drive back in silence. She turns to him, smiling softly, eyes drooping at the corners. He leans towards her, pressing their foreheads together, entangling his fingers with hers. They sit there, in the back of the car, savouring the moment until they arrive at the Hasegawa mansion for the reception.</p><p>She ditches the heavy shiromuku for an iro-uchikake in pastel blue with fine, silver prints of bamboo decorating the hems of her sleeves.</p><p>The banquet is festive, with seemingly limitless supplies of food for the seemingly unending wave of guests. It had been a little hectic what with countless family friends, townspeople and business associates alike lining up to greet them. </p><p>She could feel Ushijima losing steam about three hours in and gracefully took over as much as she could. There had even been a slight commotion with several mediapersons trying to get in despite it being a private occasion. Tough luck for 'private' when your husband's practically a national hero and his teammates are all present. </p><p>Some worthy mentions: Oikawa from high school doesn't seem to hate Ushijima as much as he used to, Kageyama's awkwardness alone is enough to ward away all female cousins in sight, Hoshiumi seems to be trying to eat himself to death... Chiya tries her best to focus on discussing politics with some guys who look like retired yakuza members and not on Mika and her boyfriend canoodling in one corner of the room. </p><p>The gates close just as the sun sets.</p><p>The only ones left are Ushijima's teammates- former and current, his father and Coach Hibarida along with the rest of the Hasegawa's immediate family (the men; her father, uncle, 3 granduncles and 2 cousins- are sitting round the dining room, downing sake and talking sports and politics. The women; her mother, 2 aunts, 2 grandaunts, 5 cousins, her grandmother- all gathered in the kitchen with the maids, trading stories and matchmaking).</p><p>The bride and groom are sat in the living room with their peers. She's peeled the layers off her garment, leaving her in shorts and a loose shirt covered with a crumpled pink uchikake as mismatched outerwear. </p><p>She's on the couch with Ushijima, leaning against him casually, stretching her legs out luxuriously. The rest of their friends are scattered around the floor in varying lying or sitting positions. They're all gathered round the television for the pool draw of next year's Volleyball World Cup.</p><p>"Please, dear gods above, give us strength to accept what is to come and motivation to work hard to overcome all the obstacles placed before us-" Bokuto begins, kneeling, palms pressed together, looking up to the roof (and by extension, the sky above). </p><p>"Please not Russia," Oikawa continues, propped in a similar position, manicured nails glinting under the light.</p><p>"-not Italy-" adds one of the Miya twins until he's cut off. "-at least not until the finals-" adds the other. She isn't so sure which one is which. The beer's not helping much. She takes another swig.</p><p>
  <em>France-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Tunisia-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>United States-</em>
</p><p>The announcements come to an end soon after with Cuba as the last team Japan will be facing. The men in the room visibly deflate. Bokuto wails into a cushion. Oikawa downs a cup of sake. Kageyama Tobio's eyes are sparkling. The Miya twins shrug at each other. </p><p>"So how's it?" she asks, speech slightly slurred. Ushijima tenses, grip on his bottle of beer tightening, lips pressed into a thin line, eyebrows furrowed as he burns lazer beams into the television, as if he could re-draw the pool by just staring at the screen. His new wife makes a questioning sound, her hand traveling across his chest to wrap him in a half-hug.</p><p>"Scared?" She purrs into the crook of his neck, lips twitching into a mischievous smile. He sighs, the tension leaving his body as he melts into her hold. </p><p>"No," he answers simply. She hums.</p><p>"Then, what is it?"</p><p>A pause.</p><p>"It could be better," he says, relenting before shifting to look at her. She grins up at him before he presses a long, slow kiss to her lips. She pulls him closer, hand on the back of his neck. It gets heated as the moments pass until-</p><p>"Get a damn room, ya horny newlyweds," Tendou calls out, waltzing into the space with a new crate of beer, depositing it on the floor with a loud crash. The couple pull apart. She frowns, glaring around the room.</p><p>"Maybe if you'd all leave-" she begins, huffing. </p><p>"Hey, don't worry so much about it, Senpai. You can think about it until after the honeymoon," says Atsumu, poking his head round the wall, wiggling his eyebrows. </p><p>"That's the plan," Ushijima grumbles, getting annoyed. </p><p>"Ooh, he's mad," Oikawa sing-songs. </p><p>With that, the newlywed ace takes his stand, with his new wife in his arms, bridal style and heads out. Chiya lets out a surprised yelp before it dissolves into giddy giggles. She throws a flying kiss behind her as they head up the stairs.</p><p>"Ugh,<em> love,</em>" Semi says with distaste before turning his attention to the drinking game that's being proposed at the front of the room.</p><p> </p><p>Ushijima doesn't give her time to react before dumping her onto the bed and pinning her down, eyes dark with lust. </p><p>"Where were we?"</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>-Ushijima is commonly referred to as 'Ushiwaka'. This nickname is the child name of the Japanese Genji warrior, Minamoto Yoshitsune, who was also known to have extreme jumping abilities<br/>-'S-line' is a popular Korean beauty term referring to "ample breasts and buttocks when viewed from the side"</p></blockquote></div></div>
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